Another loss

Especially for those who have lost a friend to suicide, who is not included in the other Connecting forums.

Another loss

Postby psyquestor » Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:25 am

Three days ago I received a friendship request on Facebook. I hadn't heard from this friend in a long time and was pretty excited to think of re-connecting with him. He moved away a few years ago, so we lost touch. He didn't send a message, just the friend request and of course I confirmed it right away. Yesterday I found out that he took his own life the very next day. I feel so badly to find that things hadn't been going well for him and to know that he was in so much pain :( I just keep wondering, why? Why contact me and not say a word then take your life? It hurts so much! Especially since I know he knew about my son's suicide and how deeply it has hurt me. Am I the person people think of now when they think about ending their life? Or worse all of the phone calls / messages I got when people started finding out. Do they think I have answers they don't?

Amid all this hurt and confusion, my thought is that somehow the suicide of my beloved son has defined me in people's minds. :(

I will miss my friend and hope he can explain this on that bar stool in heaven I'm sure they've reserved for me.

Thanks for listening, I know you guys will understand my jumbled mess of thoughts about this :(
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Re: Another loss

Postby momtossm » Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:07 am

oh no. I am sorry this happened, I don't really have anything to say but couldn't read and not post anything. HUGS
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Re: Another loss

Postby crisa » Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:37 am

So sorry honey! AGGGGHHHHHHH!! Ok I needed to scream that outloud!
In the time between my children's father suicide and my bf's suicide, I had 5 men, all fathers come to me saying they wanted to suicide. I spent endless all nighters, trying to talk sense into them. I always said, it's hard enough for me to see my kids w/o their dad, don't make me have to look at your kids knowing you did the same thing as my children's father.
I always thought why are they coming to me of all ppl? Then I had a man, a father send me texts through the night one night about 6 mos ago, saying he couldn't go on and such. I was asleep I never heard his text I saw them the next day, I sent him a text and he responded so I knew he was still alive. I told him call 911 and I gave him numbers to suicide prevention hotlines and our local crisis center. He's still alive. I was po'd that he pulled that on me of all ppl. More po'd b/c he did it for attention, just like he lied about his wife being dead a few mos prior, while I was sitting at the ER waiting to go to trauma to see my son after his wreck. Needless to say I've backed off of that friendship!
Yea, I too feel like ppl look at me and think of me and the accosiate me w/ the word suicide! I hope this isn't the case for you in your life!
I'm really sorry you are having to go through this!
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Re: Another loss

Postby Crystl » Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:02 pm

I'm so sorry you had this didn't need it
I had a friend take his life a few weeks ago and it refreshes and adds to our unbearable pain
I hope you find a little comfort in the fact that he maybe thought enough of you as a friend to contact and most likely say goodbye in his own way..
take care ok
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Re: Another loss

Postby ScottsMom » Thu Apr 07, 2011 7:36 pm

I'm so sorry this happened.

This might not ever feel good- but it is possible his friend request was a way of connecting without a goodbye. Scott made tons of calls in the hour before and left a message to hook up later or just hung up on voicemail. I think he just wanted to connect one more time with his people.

Maybe you were one of your friends people. Someone he held dear.

I'm sorry
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Re: Another loss

Postby psyquestor » Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:27 pm

Thank you for all of the thoughtful replies. I'm feeling a bit better today. I have started to simply ignore phone calls and messages right now. The inevitable "did you hear?" has been shut off for now. It's just too much.

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