Kays Story "a repeat "

For friends and family members of people who took the life of someone else before ending their own lives. Issues relating to murder-suicide complicate grief for those left behind, so the need for positive support is significant.

Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby sueonboard » Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:26 am

I couldnt stand viewing this section without any comment or remembrance any more. Seemed wrong somehow when this is about the violent loss of more than one life..
Please forgive me for bringing back one of my old posts. In retrospect we are nearing the 9th year anniversary now but Kays loss is as vivid today for us (her family) as it was so long ago.

This is Kays Story

...not the whole story as only she could share that, but the person and events as remembered by me.
Kay was my stepmother technically but in essence she was my friend.

Kay lived with my father for 21 years. She had 2 girls from a previous marriage, Kim & Shannon who were raised by my father. My brother Steve had lived with them all but I had not. This was my dads third marriage (unofficially) I have 2 older step-sisters from his 2nd marriage as well.
Kay had always been my liason with my father. There were very many years spent with me at odds with my dad and it was Kay who connected us. Kay helped bridge the great divide as it were..
She and I would go out to a bar and dance our faces off..(she moved like a stripper) lol We talked about everything. She was so special...it was always God love Kay..for doing whatever, little things, big things. She was the glue.
Her oldest daughter Kim was getting married, my father disapproved for many reasons but largely due to the colour of his skin. This caused a rift in the family. Kim got married and Kay walked her down the aisle..she was very proud of that. Kay also walked out on dad. Her daughters had nothing more to do with him either.
This didnt stop Kay from talking to me, or helping me,or confiding in me. We were still intact. My father realized after a good length of time, that he could and would accept Kay back on her terms,whatever the price he was willing to pay.
In the mean time Kim got pregnant and my son got pregnant and Kay and I were going to be grandmas for the first time. It was a heady time for both of us. She was soooo excited. Baby showers up the ying yang.
Also in the meantime, Kay had moved in with her 3rd or 4th cousin once removed or whatever. We knew Mick,he was not so much a friend but he was welcome in our home, he came to my wedding.I actually thought he was a pretty cool guy. I guess Kay did too.
We went to their home for dinner,I know she just wanted to be open about this new relationship, and I was still family.I enjoyed her company and the house, but honestly it felt awkward. Dont know if it was the cousin issue or the vibes I was feeling from Mick.
Things werent going so well with them. Dad and Kay had been doing lots of talking, and deep down they never stopped loving each other. A reconciliation was inevitable. It was only a matter of time. I suppose Mick knew that too.
On Dec. 1 Kay became a grandmother to a beautiful baby girl. She was thrilled. Called me excitedly and left me a message, which I still have today.
Things picked up on the home front too. Dad and Kay were planning on spending the weekend together. Kay had gone to her daughters, seeking approval I believe. Not that she needed it, I think she just wanted her girls to not be surprised should she go back to dad. She was so happy, like a young girl again.
She and dad went away together.
According to dad they had been discussing her return. They danced and drank and had good times with friends. Then Mick showed up. He left, not making a scene. I heard later he had shaved all his hair off. No longer looked like himself.
Dad and Kay went to the house and loaded up all her big stuff and brought it back home. It was official, she was going home. She told dad she was going to have dinner with Kim and the baby and let them know.

Dad waited....
At Kims the phone rang it was Mick. He told her that he had changed all the locks on the house and if she wanted the rest of her things to come now, while he was home. She told Kim not to worry and she left.
At 11:00 pm I received a call from my dad. He was barely coherent, something about Kay,something was wrong, she hadnt come bck.He wanted me up there now (he's an hour away) I picked dad up and we drove to the house. We couldnt get to her street because of the police barricade. The police took our names and numbers and advised us to meet at Kims, so they could discuss whatever with all of us at once. We knew, dad knew, he was freaking out. I couldnt believe it.
We arrive at Kims. She is there with her sister and husband and new baby just 9 days old. After everything that went on with dad and his disapproval and she let us in.
Police arrived, questioned everyone and left. No information. We watched the news, heard about the car fire,the man in the house, gone to hospital.
At 5:00 am we were told...A body burned beyond recognition in the car, and Mick died at the hospital after shooting himself several times.
Kay had been shot as she sat in her car with bags of her stuff in the trunk that she just removed from the house. He then took a gas can and set her on fire.
She was 54 and a grandmother for just 9 days and about to get everything she wanted.
RIP December 10, 2001
Surviving suicide and Everything else..
http://s48.photobucket.com/albums/f202/ ... nd%20more/
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Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby Donnap50 » Fri Nov 19, 2010 4:02 am

God bless you & your family, especially Kay

Donna xx
My darling son Ben,in my heart forever xx
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:06 am

Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby janpo1 » Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:04 am

Thank you for retelling your story. How hard that must be . My heart goes out to all of you.

Gentle hugs
Shannon... My first born daughter

9/8/75- 8/5/2007

Forever changed...
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:39 am

Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby crisa » Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:46 am

I think in a way she left this world having everything she wanted. A new grandbaby, a wonderful relationship with you, making steps towards getting her family back together and she obviously believed that your dad was ready and willing to do his part for them to have their second chance!
I'm glad your dad and Kay got to go away together and had such a great time! I'm glad that they got to rekindle their love for each other. She seemed like a very wonderful woman!
Bless You Hun!
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Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:05 pm

Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby Crystl » Fri Nov 19, 2010 4:10 pm

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Joined: Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:10 am

Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby Faith » Wed Nov 24, 2010 2:01 pm

Thanks for telling your story again. My heart goes out to you and your family. May you find peace with the happy memories.
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Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:56 am

Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby Faith » Wed Nov 24, 2010 2:05 pm

Sue: Sorry I called you Kay, when I responded. She was on my mind after learning her story. May she rest in peace. Thank you for telling it again.
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Re: Kays Story "a repeat "

Postby NancyClaire » Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:02 pm


There are no words..what a tragedy for so many in your family. sigh.

I understand you not wanting to have this category empty on this forum. I am glad you reposted Kay's story so that others may feel more courageous about posting their stories too.

Peace be with you

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Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:50 pm

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