Lost my special girl

An area especially for those who are newly bereaved by suicide. If you feel alone or need extra help, please let us know.

Re: Lost my special girl

Postby ScottsMom » Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:14 am

Having Scott's things around comforted me. I couldn't get rid of anything for a long time. I wasn't ready either. In the beginning I just felt I would erase him if I did. I did let a couple friends and his gf have t-shirts that eventually were returned as their usefulness had run its course for them. It would have been too much for me to simply pack everything up or donate- I had lost enough and just couldn't.

I think I had to just do it in my own time. Everything seemed too important to disturb at first. So I did nothing more than remove them from his room to make way for his brother to have his own room. It wasn't really until last fall that I finally could consciously decide to save only the stuff of real memories...things every parent saves for scrapbooks and albums. His incidental possessions were carefully inspected for "treasure" and 99.9% was discarded. I could live without it - the security it once afforded now spent.

Take your time. You will know when you no longer 'need' to keep things or leave her things as she left them. Its okay.

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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby lh2011 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:09 am

Grant I know how you feel I feel like things will never be the same since i lost my daddy so I totally understand where you are coming from and I am sorry for your loss
I miss you daddy
Daddy you are my hero!!!
I love and miss you daddy RIP
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby Grant » Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:47 am

Tomorrow, 17th April, is Cassie's birthday. My sister is coming to visit for the weekend so that I won't have to spend it alone. I don't know what do to yet - I just feel a huge emptiness and sadness. I don't think I'm dreading it much more than any day without her - I guess it just hammers home yet again the awful finality of her passing and the terrible realisation that she is never coming back. Poor Cassie, she could have had a life with me - I loved her with all my heart and just wanted her to be happy. It's so sad.
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby Terino » Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:04 am

Hugs to you, Grant.
Remembering Robert. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby tomslove52 » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:15 pm

Grant,
You are in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. I'm glad to hear that you won't
be spending Cassie's birthday alone. Try to remember the good things and the love-
you'll always have Cassie with you and one day you WILL be with her again. I believe
that with all my heart. Please take extra special care of yourself. We're all here for you.
Christi
Remembering my fiance Tom Stoyle Jr
I miss you and I love you
~Yesterday, today, and always
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby Chelsea » Sat Apr 16, 2011 11:07 pm

Grant, we will be thinking of you, I know it will be a tough day. I went thru the "first" birthday of my Nicky's
in Feb., 4 months after he was gone. It was a sad day, but they all are so lonely and sad,
so it really not that much different. I think the dreadful feeling
of the day looming ahead was worse than the actual day. Christi is right,
you will be with her again one day, and we are all here for you.
Hugs and prayers always, but will be sending extra tomorrow.
~Chelsea
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby bella » Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:48 am

Grant,
I am so glad your sister will be staying with you through the weekend, so you wont be alone on Cassie's bday.
Its hard getting through the "firsts"
i had my bfs birthday, as well as our anniversary all within not even 2 months of losing him.
i agree with Chelsea, it was sad...but "they are all so lonely and sad"
I wish you the strength to get through the day, and all the days ahead. *hugs*
*happy birthday Cassie*
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby ScottsMom » Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:05 am

Thinking of you today. So nice that your sister will be with you on Cassie's birthday.
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby Chelsea » Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:36 am

Hope your day went as well as can be expected yesterday, Grant. I know we were all thinking of
you, tough day . . . .
Hugs,
~Chelsea
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Re: Lost my special girl

Postby Grant » Wed Apr 20, 2011 11:04 am

Thank you all for your support and for thinking of me and Cassie. It meant a lot when I read your messages on her birthday and was very moving. The day itself went OK with my sister there. She was able to talk about Cassie and struck a nice balance between remembering her and helping me have times where I wasn't too overwhelmed.

It's been the days after that have been tougher. These last three days there really has been almost no let up. My mind keeps going back to all the things I could have said on the night, my heart keeps getting sadder and sadder as I realise Cassie won't see this year at all. I replay constantly happy times we had together, and they make me feel like crying. I replay all the happy times I had hoped we would have and now never will. I tried playing golf with friends from work yesterday but had to give up half way round and go home as I was too exhausted, and mentally drained. Even as I walked around I was thinking about Cassie all of the time. Before I had been able to give myself some temporary 'breaks' in the day by focusing on something else but these last 3 days nothing works. I feel tense, angry, sad, exhausted all at once. Part of is probably because my counsellor is on holiday for 2 weeks so I'm not having that outlet, and part of it will be this sad milestone without Cassie. I just miss her so much. I want her back so much. I love her so much.
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