What is going on?

[ScottsMom]

I attended a local coalition meeting yesterday. This county has regular attendees from local mental health agencies and others whose jobs are close to the issue. I don't know if who is there as part of the job or voluntarily other than my partner facilitator and a man interested in starting a support group. Each of 3 counties has their own coalition and goals focused on local need.

This county is focusing a lot on the middle aged male. Focus groups and lots of brainstorming has taken place to help this segment of the county prevent suicide. The matter at hand was a vote on billboard design and wording. As the designs were pickedapart and reassembled to meet the opinions of the group and the matter settled(with all appearing extremely content I might add- a fellow to my immediate left spoke up.

He basically said that it won't work, nothing will. He launched into a listing of the manners of suicide he had responded to and his very negative attitude put me off. I barely could let him finish. Once he did, I played devil's advocate and asked why we were all there over these months if there was no avenue to even hope to save 1 life ?? (Yes, I am the problem child of the coalitions I attend) I asked him for other ideas or input that we might rethink this - were we missing something? was my basic question. He didn't have any other ideas - but this one would not work. I was seething on the inside but outwardly diplomatic. Thankfully the project will go still happen.

Another recent meeting elsewhere has lots of school personel from several districts along with court, family services, mental health, pastors- a good mix. The principal of a neighboring school announced during discussion of stigma changing action- that he feared losing his job if he had to be psychiatrically treated. How in the world can he advocate that exact action to others if he is so fearful of doing it himself??

I guess I thought the people attending were doing this as a matter of conscience and belief that prevention is possible and working to lessen stigmas was a way toward that. Does anyone really feel responsible to community anymore BEFORE their loyalty to a paycheck or the status quo?

Its quite depressing.

I also had a nice conversation last night with the woman who consulted and supported me and Scott in his IEP and school struggles. She recounted a story that happened in our high school many years ago. 3 students died by suicide that year- not a word said or support offered to the student body. Shortly after theschool year ended a teacher, who had run out of cancer treatment options shot himself. Staff and students assembled in the lunchroom impromptu. The man's suicide was okayed as a good option. NEVER EVER EVER is a suicide portrayed as a viable option- not to kids and never from staff at the least. I thought I had heard every story. This shocked my cynical view of the local district and its treatment of suicide. Not only did they commit the cardinal sin in regard to prevention they made a show for a teacher while student deaths have been ignored. My disgust is renewed against the politics and culture of our district.

I am just amazed at the diverse and ridiculous things surrounding thing thing called suicide. Maybe this belongs in venting but its really about the uphill prevention battle. In any case, thanks for listening.

V--

[momtossm]

Scottsmom---after reading your post I just wanted to post this quote, I think that you can change a life or many lives....even with small things

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

[momtossm]

Okay I am back. I don't believe that guy. If suicide leaves a far reaching ripple affect, prehaps suicide education can do the reverse ripple affect. By educating people, prehaps someone might get the right medication, or go to a doctor, or ask a friend if they are thinking of suicide, or go to a therapist. Yes it will save lives...unfortunately not all lives will be saved. BUT....getting the word out will also reduce the stigma, allowing suicide survivors to talk more openly about it not only helping them heal, but possibly saving more lives.

Thank you for your hard work.

[ScottsMom]

I guess I am trying to figure out what they are committed to ??

A job?
Their manhood?
Being right?
Hope ? (not evident)
Appearances?

It appears we have a double agent in our midst at every meeting. I am a spy - for the truth and for hope but I can't see it in these men. I'm frustrated, but agree with you quote and that drives me. Thanx for the reminder.

You posted as I submitted and I will agree with your last suggestion - education on all levels is key to promoting awareness, prevention and lifting stigmas. That is a huge component of our coalition work - but it will take generations to shift much of that into measurable positions. But I am hopeful.
V--

[ScottsMom]

Lanie, I know very well from your story and so many others how the person seeking (needing) psych care and the employer think and treat the issue. Its such a shame. I was just so shocked to hear this in a meeting with one who is 'on board' to press the issues forward and is positioned in authority to (strongly) suggest services he would NOT get or admit to the very people who placed him in that position. I just don't get it- but then I don't get a lot of illogical things.

You have suffered greatly from this very problem. Your precious son literally 'gave his life' trying to defend, by his conformity to the stigmas, the mindset that put him between the rock and hard place. It breaks my heart on so many levels.

We were passing around ideas on support groups etc and yours for depressed people might just be one I will advocate. We do need things that are not by referral or appointment only - As Marie Osmond said, depression doesn't wait til Monday. We are looking at every possible way we can support, educate and save people.

I really think if some people who are professionals, prominent in communities, or in positions people would note would speak out honestly about their own struggles others would be urged by their honesty and their station in society to get help. Its a secret society- the psychologically suffering, I am one and could not be prouder to admit it and share my good experience and thankfullness to my caregivers and the help offered. I can't be the only one !!

I don't want any more yous or mes or anyones to become part of us. This is not a losing battle and the costs have been far too high.

V--

[momtossm]

The stigma is huge. When my brother took his life....I told people. Everyone really. People started to tell me their own stories, they had a friend or relative take their life, they personally tried, they have a depression, etc. It shocked me. SO MANY PEOPLE. They were all hiding or making up different reasons for death etc.

I have decided that I HAVE to talk about my brother taking his life. I HAVE to tell people that he was a regular person, a regular brother that took his life. A regular person. A normal person that had a family that loved and cared for him.

I dont want my brothers death to be completely in vain. He is gone. Gone forever.....but prehaps talking openly about it....maybe, just maybe will help someone else......

He can't die in vain.

[Suzanne]

Val,
Thank you, thank you for your forthrightness and your passion.
As for those others in your group...there seems to be those people in every group I've ever joined that advocated change. I don't know why they come to meetings and what their purpose is. Of course we can make change. It is difficult. But it is not impossible. Not by a long stretch.
Where would be without people who envisioned eradicating smallpox and polio? Why not seek preventative and curative measures for depression.
Hang in there. Don't let the naysayers get you down.
Suzanne

[seekinganswers]

That was disturbing to say the least.

IMO, and it's not a very educated opinion as I only started fact searching suicide over the last few months, the head doctors and pill pushers are doing people a great injustice.

There needs to be more care put into what meds these doctors are giving our loved ones. More responsibility to paying attention to how they get on and off of the meds.

If a person goes and sees a Doctor about suicidal thoughts and depression, and a doctor gives said individual a prescription drug to take, if that med does not do the trick, I believe a person needs to be properly taken off of said meds before you write them another prescription and send them back into the world with a different pill.

My Uncle has been on several different meds for his battle. I am shocked to hear that there is no detox before the next med is tried.

I mean, c'mon, how do these Doctors know that Med A and Med B mixed together won't make matters much worse? What if I'm on Med A today, it's not working, Doc gives me med B tomorrow, how safe is that?

I'm of the belief that money is the motivation here. They keep selling these people meds with reckless abandon, throwing stuff at a wall hoping eventually one will stick. That's what our family situation feels like right now.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent, just had to vent.