One Year Today

[insearchofpeace]

Well Dad....it's been 1 year today. This past year that feels like the blink of an eye....and yet was filled entirely with the slowest most unbearable minutes, hours, days of my life. I still have my breath stolen from my lungs at moments when 'reality' hits full force. Nothing is the same. Nothing. I am as broken as my heart and I still miss you every single moment of every single day.... I love you Dad. I hate that I can't change this.

[Drew48]

Thinking of you.....your precious Dad feels your love of that I am certain.......((HUGS))...X

[briansfolks]

So sad, words of someone truly experiencing grief. It has not been 4 months for us yet, losing our son right after Christmas. We babysit our 3 grandchildren every Thursday ( it happened on a Thursday). How I wish that somehow I could have traded places and be gone instead of him, to never see his children again. I'm so sorry for you insearchofpeace.....may you find peace, somehow, somewhere

[crisa]

Thinking of you honey!

[insearchofpeace]

Thank you Drew, briansfolks and Crisa for your kind words... Sending love and hoping for some gentle and peaceful moments for all of you and everyone else on this forum today...x

[BluePookie]

Insearchofpeace, I've been away but I've been thinking of you... Sorry I didn't send you a hug on the actual day, but I send you one now [[[]]]

It's so good to have you all here, but I soooo wish we hadn't to be here I also hate so much that we can't change all this

[lisaschenke]

Thinking of you. I am approaching the 4 year anniv. of the loss of my oldest son - coming up this Thurs. Yes, it does stink. Love those grandchildren and give them a hug for me.
Lisa

[insearchofpeace]

Thank you for the hugs BluePookie... I've been thinking of you too...not sure if you have passed 'the' day...or if it is still to come this month...but I hope you are holding up ok and finding your way forward in these 'new-unwanted-normals' of ours. Keep your chin up....big ((hugs)) back to you...x

[BluePookie]

I did, 9 days before yours. It was different from the other "firsts". In the days before I was pretty calm, but on the day... when I look at somewhere where it show the date (cell phone or computer) it hit me. It was as if I was in some kind of denyal and when I saw it writen it became real.

((hugs))

[insearchofpeace]

This '1st' was different for me too BluePookie.... Normally, with the other 'death' dates in my life...they pass by and I barely notice...which I kind of feel guilty about as one of those dates is my Mom's and I feel like I should *feel* it more on 'the' day. But with this, the day my Dad left us...the day itself was awful for me. I notice alot of people on the forum say that for them the anticipation was worse than the actual day itself. Not for me. I think probably because I expected that I would react to the date...or rather 'not' react to the date, like I normally would...or would 'not'. Ugh. I think it has to do alot with the fact that I simply have no family left intact to share this grief with....well, my brother and I are sort-of 'ok', but he is a 'guy' and lives too far away...so it just feels like I'm bothering him (and his 'negative-free' wife) to phone him with such things at this point.
I hope you and your Mom were able to support one-another on 'your' day BluePookie...((hugs)) Take care....x