Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

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Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby lisaschenke » Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:40 pm

Hello,
My name is Lisa and my oldest son died by suicide on April 26, 2008. Tim was 18 years old at the time and would have graduated 4th in his class at Manasquan High School, Manasquan, NJ. I am very active in my recovery. I work hard to role model a healthy lifestyle for my husband and my other two sons who are currently 21 and 18 years old. The boys were 17 and 14 at the time of Tim's death. I am writing a book with two storylines: the story of my recovery and glimpses into Tim's life that allow the reader to understand Tim; at least as best as I was able to understand him. I am active in my community - an area that has suffered numerous suicides in the past four years, beginning with Tim's death.
I look forward to valuable conversation and sharing here.
Sincerely,
Lisa
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby lisaschenke » Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:40 am

If you'd like to get to know more about Tim please visit http://www.withouttim.com Thanks.
Lisa
Last edited by lisaschenke on Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby psyquestor » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:42 am

Lisa, the link above has a typo. I believe it should read www.withouttim.com

I am sorry for the loss that brings you here, but glad you've found the forums. I've found it helpful to be able to express my feelings to others who truly understand some of what I'm going through. Surviving life without my son has been gutwrenchingly difficult. I don't know where I'd be now, if not for online support.

((((hugs))))

Tammy
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Tammy
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I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

Hold On, Pain Ends
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby lisaschenke » Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:41 pm

Thank you Tammy for noticing that typo. Not too smart! Sometimes I don't know if my "mental" mistakes are from general aging, pre-menopause, or losing Tim. I generally figure some combination of the above.
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby psyquestor » Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:10 pm

It's a lovely page Lisa, I was glad to post the link.
Tammy
Proud Army Mom
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I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

Hold On, Pain Ends
User avatar
psyquestor
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:09 am

Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby cmarie » Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:16 pm

Hello Lisa, and welcome to this site. I looked at the page you have done for Tim. It is lovely. The picture you have posted of Tim took my breath away, as he reminded me very much of my boy. The open, kind, smiling face. A face you would want to know, one to love. I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am interested in your statement about being active in your recovery. I am a little familiar with the 12 step programs, and know that language from there, but have not seen it as it relates to grief. I was wondering if you would mind sharing what that looks like for you. You are a few years further down this journey than many of us, and I value learning from others experiences.

Thank you.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby lisaschenke » Thu Apr 19, 2012 7:23 am

Hi,
By active in my recovery, I do not mean anything "formal" or 12-step. I post alot on my son's memorial FB page, which was created by young adults. Those posts have kept me in touch with lots of Tim's friends and helped me meet other young people who either knew Tim, knew of him, or are struggling themselves. I talk to some young people one-on-one about the value of life and try to inspire them with my love of life, even after such a loss. Without sounding too "parental" or pushy I try to help them understand that the teenage years are challenging and they have so much to look forward to in their futures.
Because we have had multiple suicides in southern Monmouth County where I live, starting with Tim's :( I attend meetings and forums for multiple reasons: because I still have two sons in that vulnerable age group (currently ages 18 and 21), because I want to learn, and because I am willing to share that I am a survivor.
One of the harder things at times is balancing efforts on my own recovery and helping others with "normal every day life". I do work part-time, I'm very active in my kids sporting events, enjoy bike riding and other outdoor stuff and sometimes have to pull away from recovery/Tim activities. I try to find the right balance for me between "moving on" and helping myself and others.
Hope this helps. Some days are harder than others and now I have the 4 year anniversary coming up. I've already decided what I plan to share on my website and on Tim's fb memorial page on the day of the anniversary. I am an obsessive planner but I feel that keeps me upbeat and looking to the future.
Trust me, I will ask for help here when I am in a rough patch too.
sincerely, Lisa
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Re: Lost son to suicide on 4/26/08

Postby lisaschenke » Fri Apr 20, 2012 8:44 am

Thanks Lanie. I got the chills when I read the date of your son's death. I will be thinking of you this entire month too. I'm doing well today but other years today, 4/20, has been a tough one for me because it's "national weed day" and Tim had agreed to stop smoking pot until his high school graduation - then smoked again on 4/25. Long story, but this whole week can be a stressor. Thanks for reaching out.
Sincerely, Lisa
www.withouttim.com
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