safe harbour

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safe harbour

Postby Blossom » Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:37 pm

In a conversation yesterday, about the 'waves' of grief, I was quoted this poem by Spanish poet, Antonio Machado.

Mankind owns four things
That are no good at sea:
Rudder, anchor, oars,
And the fear of going down.”
― Antonio Machado

Well, something was not right...I woke up and it had come to me in my sleep - sails. I have found a few small ways to set the sails to get to something approximating a safe harbour when I get a whiff of the breeze that portends the wave. It doesn't make any difference to the pain - it just helps to allow its path unhindered. There is a space between seeing the wave, beginning the slide into it and the wave hitting...a space where I can get rid of SOME of my commitments, forego cooking meals, cancel appts etc., make an EXTRA counselling appt. and a newie...I have prepared my husband and son with a few 'chats'...I have reassured them and told them in advance that it will come and it will pass, that I know that it is very disturbing, but it will pass. We all grieve differently...and boy, I give them a lot of space and support...but it is so different for me....they're so....male.

The person I was talking to equated it to child labour...between contractions, there is a complete absence of pain, BUT enough foresight/knowledge to be active in sort of 'organising' what is needed in preparation for the next one and not get caught out in the loo or walking down the hospital corridor, for instance. It sounds all very 'shopping list'...and it doesn't apply to pangs that freeze me to the spot...but it is some small thing and helpful.

And all of this is learned...or perhaps a bit of self-truth revealed by unlearning. I am learning other things too, but they are by choice. You can make sails out of any old scraps...the patchier the better.

And then, then, freedom to feel the poem that is not head but heart..

If I Had Words

If I had words to make a day for you,
I'd sing a morning golden & true
I would make this day last for all time
then fill the night deep with moonshine
If I could make a day for you
I'd give you a morning golden & true
I would make this day last for all time..
then fill the night deep with moonshine

I would give you everything I have to give.
Blossom x

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby cali » Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:31 am

So lovely. What beautiful and strong sails they are.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby Suzanne » Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:12 am

Blossom,

I love those patchy sails. You can't buy them anywhere No one else can make them for you. They come from whatever resources are within reach.
Thanks for the poem from the head and the poem from the heart. My morning is starting golden and true.

Suzanne
Wife of Dave 10/17/47-11/1/06
Read our story
http://books.google.com/books?id=4zThE8 ... A7o6s-fPpU
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Re: safe harbour

Postby cali » Fri Apr 13, 2012 1:41 am

Odd, but so nice to be brought back to your poem, Blossom. Was it only 3 weeks ago? It seems like forever. I need something to hold on to. I think I will hold onto your poem. It speaks for every mother, everywhere. Thank you for posting it, a light of goodness and clarity, a drink of clean spring water straight from the heart.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby Blossom » Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:48 am

Sigh...not odd....I had pasted another poem on this thread....and then got the guilts about copyright (poor Michael Leunig - he doesn't count!) and deleted, hence it's position on the forum's 'new posts'. You can see it on Em Claire's (poet) fb page (today). https://www.facebook.com/EmClairePoet

I'm glad that an encounter with the poem of a few weeks ago breathed a little clear light into your day.

The poem I pasted and deleted is by David Whyte . Working in a library, I rarely buy books, but a book of poetry is can be visited many times...let the page fall open....so I bought one of his books today. Poetry is never a regrettable purchase...it seems to move and grow with you.

You can 'youtube' David Whyte. Here is a clip of him reciting the poem of another poet, John O'Donohue. It is titled, Beannacht (A blessing to his mother who lost a child, his sibling).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M30K5DcJiMI

Got a bad case of frozen today...I'm fine, just frozen, just fine and dandy and frozen. The antithesis of tempus fugit. What is this? A prolonged suspense...not agony....not boredom...not distress...not sadness. Maybe I'm frozen with a finger in the dyke. I don't know, I just don't know. It'll pass. And I still won't know. I welcome the relief of ambivalence when it comes...but it wears out the welcome mat really fast!
Blossom x

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby cali » Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:09 pm

Thank you for the links, Glad to seee David Whyte reading O'Donahue, a beautiful work. I have been living in frozen far more than not. my life allows me to do it. You have an anniversary approaching, I understand frozen. Suspense is good, I think. there's an implication at least of something else to come. I would love to know I feel ambivalent. I do feel ambivalent about the exercise I should be doing. I'm just so tired. I should try reading Whyte, I was given his cd's and found his reading style in the way of his words. To take a look at the printed page can be a different experience entirely.

Here I sit with childless mothers all frozen in a row
Turn us twist us topple us
We know don't where to go.
Point us in any direction
We flail and fail from head to toe.

Split me open and let the grief fall out.
Let my heart cry out of this cage of ribs
The bones are so emaciated now.
Everything worn so thin.
It has fallen.
It has fallen right through to the ground.
What if I step on it.

Pick it up, put it in a feather lined basket
A little bird's nest. Hold it, hold it up against the winds
Blow your warm breath there.
Gently mind it.
Invite it to live like music again.
Then put your heart back in your chest and grow your bones strong.
Give it work to do.
Circulate.
Last edited by cali on Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby cmarie » Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:57 am

Oh my... I cried and cried. The poem resonated through every fiber of my being. Thank you.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: safe harbour

Postby cali » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:30 pm

Thank you cmarie, for telling me you cried. When I read that, I cried a little too, finally. I didn't cry when I wrote it. And thank you Blossom, for the beautiful Em Claire fb link. Had not heard of her, how lovely and attuned she goes...David Whyte is there today, yes my predjudice drops aside when I read the words apart from his embodyment...he is really very plain and wise and special with his words, and the obvious "mind" instead of "remind" from the O'Donahue, I had to try it on...
I don't circulate much. I don't cry much. I hadn't written a poem for almost two years. Thank you for this thread and sharing poetry. I hope some thawing is coming, for all of us.
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