I do not think I am normal

Especially for those who have lost a sister or brother to suicide

I do not think I am normal

Postby jillslay8 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:31 am

My brother died on march 8th 2012, how long do you stay shocked(thats what i am told i am in) I have never been in shock so I do not know.

I know in my logical mind he is go Yet I can not absorb it, I have been very sad and very emotional and very distracted,
but when I think kenny is dead I think no way I think yeah he will call or come see me at work then I know he won't I am not pretending he is ok and well I know better but it is not real I do not think this is normal. But I do not know?
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby Bereaved1 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:03 am

I went through that for a couple of years since my beloved fiancé took his life. He was a video guy in a hospital in real life. I insisted that the body in his coffin was not his because it didn't look like him. I was sure he stole a body from the morgue in the hospital - he was a type - and switched it. I was sure he had joined his friend in Hawaii and was shooting wedding videos in Hawaii. So, are we nuts? Or do we have vivid, creative imaginations and can believe reality while we create better realities? Are all the spiritual leaders crazy? See http://www.hayhouse.com
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby Blossom » Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:55 am

jillslay8....there is no right or wrong in this loss. Our hearts and heads aren't on the same page. It is all normal...I am so sorry. There is no 'way' to be. So many painful ever-changing feelings.... perhaps one way to be is with someone for some of the day....is there someone who might visit and listen and keep you company for a short time? Please be assured that self-doubt too, is normal.I can remember in the first months after our son died, that I was constantly trying to get a sounding on myself....I had changed in an instant and my brain was lashing around so much, I didn't 'know' anything any more (this changed over time). You are normal sweetie....what happened to your dear brother was not normal...you and all folk bereaved by suicide, are responding normally to an abnormal loss. I am so very sorry. You can hold on here. We will listen.
Blossom x

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby cmarie » Sat Mar 31, 2012 9:08 am

Jillslay8, blossom has said it all so well... For many of us on this forum, 3 months seemed to mark a change. I think we move from the shock and start to actually feel.

Through this journey, I have been impressed how my heart and my head have worked to protect me, only letting me feel and think small amounts so as not to completely overwhelm me. I am starting to learn to trust the journey for what it is. I have tried to "let go", as any sense of control seems to be an illusion anyways.

Take care, come here and let us be with you on your journey.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby jillslay8 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:27 am

Thank you all so very much I guess I am just all freaked out , I Do not know how to feel , you are alll so kind and helpful , I guess like any new event in life one must adjust or something.Thank You
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby gosh » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:03 am

Recently I've freaked out and my mind kept on telling me that I should dig out the coffin from my brother's grave because he's probably locked there.

Everyday I wake up and seem to "forget" about what happened and refuse it, but I guess denial is a road to nowhere.

Take care, hugs.
Euphoria, Euphoria, you come at such a price
Every time I get a hold of you, I know I roll the dice
How far can I go from my pain before it takes my life?
Perhaps in death, Euphoria, you'll be forever mine
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Re: I do not think I am normal

Postby jillslay8 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:53 am

gosh I am so sorry for your loss , I also seem to forget or want to for get . This is so hard I kind of feel like this is not real it can not be real yet I know it is . I just feel like it is a bad movie jumps from 1 part to the next and you are all confused you take care and hugs to you.
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
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