I wish people were more considerate

Especially for those who have lost husbands, wifes, boyfriends, girlfriends, or partners to suicide.

I wish people were more considerate

Postby mydnyghtamethyst » Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:54 am

Is it me or does anyone else feel upset whenever someone tries to hook you up or says you need to move on and get a new man/women or anything like that? I wish people would just realize I'm not ready. After Ashton died, I moved back in with my grandparent to be close to my family, not all alone like I was. My grandfather says things like, commenting on a pair of pants, "You can wear those out on a date" and it just makes me feel : :x I'm still at the point where even if your talking 10 years from now I don't want to be with someone else. Still grieving here. Not interested! I've tried to say this but sometimes it feels like people think you should just be perfectly fine in like 4-6 months like it never happend to you. During month 4, I had a guy from my work tell me I should move on and give other guys a chance to date me. I tried to explain that this is my personal grieving process and I can take as long as I want to. He wasn't hearing it and I got angry and almost didn't talk to him again. I know part of his reason for saying it was because he had a crush on me, but no. Just no.
mydnyghtamethyst
Newbie
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:32 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby Bereaved1 » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:40 am

We all wish that, mydnyghtamethyst. You sound very young. People probably are just dumping their negative feelings on you. That's what the phrase, "it has nothing to do with you" really means. Those people go around trying to make themselves feel better by making other people feel bad or by trying to get something out of them. Learning about setting and sticking to your safe boundaries will help you. Google is my best friend. Every time I think of a word like boundaries I Google it. This is what I came up with this time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries Thank you for your post. I'm always learning.
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
Bereaved1
Supporting
 
Posts: 685
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:48 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby suepred » Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:34 am

One of my work friends made a joke about a male friend of mine who contacts me fairly often about daily activties. He hinted to me that maybe this person is trying to inch their way in closer to me. It never occured to me. I laughed but the thought of it made me uncomfortable. I can not imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship of a romantic nature ever again. We all need to go at our own pace with just getting out of bed in the morning! Take care of yourself outsiders have no idea what we feel or go through on a daily basis. I think most people have the best of intensions even if they seem cruel to us. Peace suepred
suepred
Regular
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:20 am

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby mydnyghtamethyst » Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:43 am

The co-worker who worked with me knew me for about a year and my fiance was gone the whole time in jail, so he never saw how much I loved him and I know this guy liked me. My fiance used to drop me off like 10 minutes before work and would wait with me. He also used to come to work and wait for me 10 minutes before I would get off work.
mydnyghtamethyst
Newbie
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:32 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby crisa » Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:29 pm

Yea, ppl annoy me with this too! It's been 3 yrs since my bf passed by suicide. Our relationship was near it's end when it happened. Honestly, I should have ended it w/ in 2 mos instead of 2 yrs. It was an unhealthy relationship with someone who had major issues, who's family was very toxic and enabling. I kinda dated a guy, who was a friend prior, a yr later after my bf suicided, I didn't want to get serious and he didn't push it, we just mostly enjoyed each others company and we are very good friends now. 18 mos after my bf passed I got into a relationship w/ a good friend of 8 yrs. The relationship only lasted 2 mos. In hindsight I should have never given him a chance, he played too many games, even though he knew all that I had been through prior. But I don't regret it, b/c it showed me that I could open my heart, trust in love again, and allow myself to feel those feelings. We've been broken up for over a year. Right after we broke up I went on dates for 2 months and I absolutely hated it! Everyone wanted to get serious ASAP, clingy and stuff, which I can't stand. I have absolutely no desire to go on a date, be in a relationship, so on. I have a history of picking the wrong guys, who end up being exactly what I don't want and need, jealous, possesive, controling. I don't want to deal with that again. Nor the immaturity, co-dependency that I've dealt with when it came to men in the past.
The first yr after my bf suicided I told ppl to not even talk to me about meeting someone, setting me up, going on a date, so on. I needed that year to grieve, to eventually becoming someone who was ok with not having to have someone, instead of having to have someone.
So going into yr 3, of course I hear it all of the time from ppl, it's time to move on, yada, yada! I try to explain it's not just my bf's suicide, it's all the bad choices I've made in men in my life. I'm enjoying being alone, the freedom that comes with it! A place that many of my friends have never been able to handle doing for themselves, b/c they always have to have someone and honestly 99.9% of the friends that are in relationships, are miserable!
I'll give you a quote that kinda applies though it's from the actor Johnny Depp, "Just keep moving forward and don't give a s*%t about what anyone thinks. Do what you have to do, for you!" In saying moving forward, I'm meaning keep doing what you have to do, grieving and so on, to get through this, and don't care what anyone thinks you "need" to do! Do what you have to do for you and don't do what others want you to, that of which you don't feel ready to do nor feel like that's what you want to do.
I absolutely hate when a guy is giving me advice, not out of being a caring friend, but for their attempt at their own gain! Especially the idiots who think the solution is to offer to be my bed buddy! AGH! I want to say to them, "What would make you think that's anything near what I need? I have no bed buddy, so what would make you think you'd be the one out of all the men out there to change my mind?" They act like they're doing you a favor, like you're gonna gain something from it! Do they actually expect me to say, "Oh yes, I was just thinking when I woke up this morning, I need a bed buddy, that will solve everything, that will make me feel 100% better and loved and cared about, if only my prince would come along and offer to be my bed buddy, then you came along and offered it, it must be meant to be, my dream has come true, thank you for making my dream come true prince charming, how soon can we get this started?" :roll:
Crystal
Moderator
crisa
Active
 
Posts: 478
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:05 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby cali » Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:13 am

Wow crisa, you said a mouthful and I congratulate you! Women in all situations are becoming very picky these days and well they should. Suicide loss is personal, individual, huge, and it takes it's own time. Midnightamethyst, 'No, just no,' is right. Nobody gets to make that decision but you. And anyone who tries to convince you differently should have a big beeping warning sticker attached to their forehead.
cali
Supporting
 
Posts: 748
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby jbrules1 » Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:22 am

Crisa all I can say is I wish they had a like button here. :lol:
Micky, A loveing and the best father, and the most wonderful husband my soul mate. 29/3/2010
User avatar
jbrules1
Regular
 
Posts: 161
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 3:37 pm
Location: Australia

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby suepred » Sun Mar 11, 2012 6:30 am

Good morning everyone what a bunch of food for thought ladies!!! I applaude everyone!!! Yesterday during a meeting with my employeer she asked me about when I was going to start seeing someone? She told me I would meet someone whowould be crazy about me in no time! I told her I already met that person! And now my time is devoted to me and my personal healing. suepred.
suepred
Regular
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:20 am

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby Bereaved1 » Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:13 am

You go, girls. In any room full of manure, there's got to be a pony. Maybe we're the ponies in here here. It really is a gift to find ourselves. (((hugs)))
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
Bereaved1
Supporting
 
Posts: 685
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:48 pm

Re: I wish people were more considerate

Postby crisa » Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:07 pm

Yep, this is my time! I've raised my 2 oldest on my own, my other two are almost 17 and 13, so aside from them and normal responsibilities, it's ME time, finally in my life! Oh and trust me I often tell people, "Just because you don't have enough self confidence to be alone, for more than a month, doesn't mean you have to be on my back about staying single! I rather be me, happy and contient with myself, confident! As long as you're looking for someone else to fill these things for you, you will never get there."
Frankly, ladies, I do not feel like devoting all the time it takes in a relationship. I always end up giving too much to the other person from day one and continue to even when they aren't. I sacrifice too much, am willing to compromise too much, too understanding and so on. I end up devoting all of me for them and losing myself, my wants and needs in life! So unless, some miracle of a man comes in to my life and treats me like the Queen I am :D I'm just not interested. If there's ever anyone in my future they have to understand I'm not dealing with the crap I have in past relationships and I'm not dedicating every free second of my life to them! Sometimes I get to be #1 in the relationship too! The relationship will be two sided, not one sided, with only me giving, sacrificing, so on!
It's gonna take a hell of an amazing man to get a chance with this heart of mine, because I'm a hell of an amazing woman! :lol: I also absolutely refuse to put off another dream or goal ever again for anyone, much less put off all of my dreams and goals!
Woman Power! :mrgreen:
Crystal
Moderator
crisa
Active
 
Posts: 478
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:05 pm

Next

Return to Left Alone

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

This web site built and maintained by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com -- Portions Copyright © by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com, All Rights Reserved.