Aeramis Astoria Rain

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Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby aeramismom » Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:37 am

That is my daughtes name , I lost her to suicide on april 10 2011 . She was 13 years old . She was bullied at school. Since that day when i found her hanging in my basement when I came home from work I have been trying to breathe . The things I saw that day haunt me , I cant seem to move on and healing seems to be a myth. Minute by minute is how i live , because I cant think past next week without her.
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby cmarie » Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:50 am

What a beautiful name. I am so sorry you have lost your precious daughter. She was far, far too young to feel that she needed to takeherown life. I, too. Have lost a child to suicide- my son. His name was Liam and he was 16.

Minute by minute was the only way I could handle the grief for a very long time. The pain is too intense, too real. It will ease. You will begin to find moments of peace. There will be steps along the journey when you may feel like you are going backwards. My experience has been, that I come out further along the path.

Have you bee able to find someone to talk to? A counsellor? Coming here to this warm, supportive welcoming forum has made a huge difference to me, and I hope it helps you.

I am so very sorry that Aeramis is gone from this world, and you must be here without her. It will get easier. We will never be the same, but it will get easier to bear - I promise.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby cali » Sun Jan 01, 2012 1:25 am

cmarie said it all, I just want you to know that I am here too, thinking of you and your precious daughter and sending you healing thoughts to help you in your pain.
Maybe there is one thing I can add though, about the haunting images. They are a very real and normal response that is especially difficult for those of us who found our loved ones. I also found my son. It is a trauma reaction, our brains get stuck there, along with freak out of our nervous system that gets triggered over and over again. This is something I found very helpful: When you find yourself back there, replace the images with positive memories of times you spent with your daughter. At first it will be hard, but the more you practice, the easier it will become. Force a good memory into focus, remember holding her, seeing her smile, feeling proud, all the love you felt in that moment. Put yourself there, remember the sounds, the sensations. I hope you try it and it helps you too. Working with an emdr therapist has also helped. This should never happen to anyone, but it has, and we are here helping each other over the many rough spots on this journey. I hope you will find comfort here, as so many of us have.
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby Dragonfly » Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:14 am

I am so very sorry for your sad loss and the terrible sight at finding your daughter. I agree to just take things minute by minute.

You will find comfort, kindness and understanding people here who are non-judgemental.

Sending you lots of peace.
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby Crystl » Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:45 pm

my heart goes out to you on the loss of your precious daughter
you are still so early in your grief and i know how much it hurts

minute by minute is ok...just remembering to breathe is an accomplishment
I did not find my son but saw him just before they took him away... that was horrific enough!
i can only imagine how it must be for you!
I am sending you a huge cyber ((((((((HUG))))))) and I hope you'll find some comfort here with others who understand your pain
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby Nik's mum » Tue Jan 03, 2012 1:31 am

I'm so sorry for your loss - your beautiful daughter was too young, your post took my breath away. CMarie says it all sweetheart but for the minute you are still in shock. Come here often and tell us about Aeramis when you can. (((((HUGS)))))
It's easy to remember him I do it every day
But there's a pain within my heart that will never go away

http://nik-wilson.gonetoosoon.org/

love and miss you more each passing day
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby Blossom » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:53 am

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear daughter, Aeramis.

Many here will walk with you. So many will say to you 'I can't imagine...', but we do not need to imagine. We know and understand how you are feeling (although I didn't see my son). Hold on and know that each minute, each breath, is how surviving is measured by us as well.

Please....drink water and rest your head on a pillow whenever you feel even the slightest pang of fatigue. I wish I could give you a foot rub and a hug.
Blossom x

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby aeramismom » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:18 pm

Thank you all , I can not believe all the ppl that live in this greif ridden world of losing a child to suicide . It amazes me that these children all find this option a solution to their worldly problems. It breaks me that they do not even think about us left behind. How do they expect us to live our lives and be happy normal ppl. Dont they know that when they died we all died too and have to live in pain and grief ... in misery for the rest of our days here without them ? It is a life sentance of torture , saddness and sorrow. Many days i am so angry at her for leaving me here to live thru this and to bear this pain everyday, I cant figure what was so bad about her life that death was better .
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby Nik's mum » Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:29 pm

Oh Sweetie - when our children took the decision to take their lives they were not thinking as they would normally. They were very ill and could see no way out or thier pain other than to do what they did. I strongly beiieve they did not think their death would cause the pain it has in fact they thought we would be better off without them even though we that are left would do anything to have them stay with us. Its so very, very sad
It's easy to remember him I do it every day
But there's a pain within my heart that will never go away

http://nik-wilson.gonetoosoon.org/

love and miss you more each passing day
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Re: Aeramis Astoria Rain

Postby cali » Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:34 pm

Yes hon, I feel the same as Nik's mum. Suicidal ideation is fast becoming known as an illness unto itself, be it sudden onset or an ongoing battle to survive it, like heart problems. I have read and read about this. There is a tunnel vision that happens, all they can see is pain and only one way out. They are incapable of anything else in that moment. Some know it is coming, and they leave notes. They also mistakenly rationalize that they are a burden and we will be better off without them. The majority don't have the foresight, or they don't believe it. Others are just overtaken. But when that moment comes, they are unable to think of us, or anyone. They are consumed. There is a commonality among people who seriously attempted and somehow survived. I hope it offers you some comfort in your pain. I know it does not speak to our ruined lives, but it helps me anyway. What I speak of is a sense of enormous relief, a feeling of lightness that a solution has been found. It has been written of many times by the people who seriously tried but were saved. I literally felt my son feeling this relief. I thought of him and I "felt" him. At the time I didn't know what it was, I thought perhaps he was napping and getting some rest. It was so different than the heavy, anxious pain I knew him to be in. But it was the relief felt in the moments before the act. I came home and he was gone. I am so sorry it got to this point for our children. I am so sorry that the help that was needed to save them wasn't available to us. I do believe they could have been saved. But I also know they were ill, and they succumbed. They still loved us. The pain was just unbearable and they couldn't see in that moment. I am so very sorry. It's not fair, it's not ok. But it doesn't mean there wasn't love. If love alone could have saved them- and us, it would have. I am so sorry you lost your precious, beautiful daughter.
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