Not going to be a Happy Birthday

A discussion of any suicide issue or grief topic that don't fit elsewhere.

Not going to be a Happy Birthday

Postby Faith » Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:33 am

My daughter always looked forward to her birthday. She is going to be twenty-four in October. She told me last night that it will never be a happy birthday again. Now she doesn't even want to be reminded that it is next month. You see, her brother took his life on her birthday, two years ago. We know he didn't plan it that way, but it really does spoil her birthday. It was so hard last year, and I know this year won't be any better. Our focus is all on him.
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Re: Not going to be a Happy Birthday

Postby rickyscousin » Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:18 pm

I am so sorry to hear that. My cousin did not take his life on my birthday. He took his a few days before mother's day. We actually buried him the day before mother's day. Needless to say, it was not a very good time. However it was a very bad birthday for me. Ricky and I share the same month. I'm July 5th. He is the 18th. There was many a time where he would take me out. If not, call me. It was so hard for me to go through my 23rd birthday with no phone call. No card from him. No voicemail. I spent most if my birthday, crying over his grave. I was there on July 4th for 5 hours crying. Sitting in the grass, next to his tombstone, balling. Worked my birthday. I can understand her pain. Many hugs to her.
"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes,when you fall, you fly."-Neil Gaiman.
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Re: Not going to be a Happy Birthday

Postby Faith » Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:26 pm

Thank you for responding to my post. Yes, I am sure you do understand. My heartfelt sympathy to you on the loss of your beloved cousin. I lost my cousin ten years ago. He was a month older than me to the day, and shot himself the day before his son's sixteenth birthday.

Hugs to you too, thanks for caring, and sharing.
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Re: Not going to be a Happy Birthday

Postby Morgan164 » Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:15 pm

Faith, I feel for your daughter. I honestly can't imagine having to share a death with a birthday. I don't blame her for not looking forward to it. Such a positive and happy day is now overshadowed by a tragic event. I'd suggest let her go at her own pace. The first few years will be hard. Do something small. Maybe you should buy her a present like a baby tree to plant somewhere to represent her brother and rebirth. It might not be much, but it's something. I know how she feels though. I'm not looking forward to this upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas without my brother. I'd give anything to just skip those days and pass on presents. The only present I want is my brother back, but sadly Santa can't make that happen. That poor darling I hope she feels better. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family!
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Re: Not going to be a Happy Birthday

Postby irwinsmom » Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:27 pm

I'm just finding this post now. My birthday will never be a happy time for me either. My husband took his life just 10 days before my birthday. He knew how much I loved to celebrate my birthday and I'm positive that he didn't even realize it was just 10 days away. It's sad to think that I will always be reminded of how I felt on that first birthday without him. Both of my kids birthday's are just a month after when he passed too...so not only do I have a birthday related to his death but they do as well. It's just sad, sad time for us.
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