Help teenagers who may have lost friends or famil members to suicide, in the hopes that they can find a safe place to discuss and share with each other.
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Nov 05, 2011 9:02 pm
I don't know what to do. I'm afraid...I've avoided thinking about my uncle for 5 years now. I don't think about him if I don't have to. I avoid places that remind me of him, I avoid conversations about him, I do anything I possibly can to avoid thinking about him. Now, I can barely remember him. I used to be able to remember his laugh, his smile, his personalitly. Now it's all just a blur. I just wanted to forget about what he DID. I didn't want to forget HIM. I feel like he's slowly just becoming someone I once knew. Someone who just kind of dissapeared after a while. Not someone who was part of my family and extremely important to me. He's not someone I wanted to forget about. I don't know what to do.
- Posts: 685
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:48 pm
First of all, don't try so hard to block your memories or emotions. There's nothing to fear in remembering. I don't think you can only remember what you want to remember. I think that doing a photo journal story about your uncle might be a great way to stay connected to him. You obviously love him. It's a paradox that the more we try to avoid or block something the stronger it gets. You will learn a lot about memory and the other things you fear if you Google keywords. Good luck. It sounds like you are grieving your way which is the right way for you. Just let it rip....
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:09 am
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. If someone we know dies by suicide, remembering the person is very important. I think it's gotten to the point where it's scarier for you to forget him than to remember him AND what he did. And although i know coming to terms with what he did seems ... beyond words scary... it's actually healthy, something you should do sooner or later. I wish you the best of luck.
**Forever in our Hearts, TRK**
- Posts: 809
- Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm
niece2006 I'm so sorry you lost someone who is so important to you.
Being a survivor of suicide is very difficult. But the event itself even though the impact is huge, in the scope of someone's whole life, is just a fraction. That you are here talking about it is a big step in "refinding" your uncle. Perhaps now that you have separated how he died from who he was, you will be able to return to the places you avoided in the past, and see what memories come. It would be an honoring of both of you, and the life and love he shared with you. Maybe by avoiding thinking about how he died, you might have also been avoiding the pain and sadness of losing him? Perhaps you are ready to let yourself feel a bit of that, and if you do, it might help you remember all the wonderful things too. Sometimes we end up suppressing more than we wanted to. But I think your memories will come back. Is there anyone you can talk to about remembering him?
Sometimes I feel like suicide is an illness with many different causes, like heart disease, that can make someone very ill for a long time before they die, or can strike like a sudden, fatal heart attack. I also believe suicide is ultimately a mistake, born of a severe inability to see that there is anything else to do. People become ill sometimes, sometimes they experience a lot of pain or stress or get very tired and they can't see straight, and they don't know how to find help, and they make mistakes that cost them their lives and leave us in tatters.
Sending you a light to travel with on the journey of finding your uncle. May you find him just the way you remembered him, with his smile and his laughter. Those are just as real as anything else in his life, and all of ours.