A child's reaction to suicide

Help teenagers who may have lost friends or famil members to suicide, in the hopes that they can find a safe place to discuss and share with each other.

A child's reaction to suicide

Postby niece2006 » Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:49 am

It's been almost 5 years since my uncle killed himself. He had been at my house 2 days before. I was home sick the day my grandma called. She said the paramedics called her and told her to go to my uncles house. She told my mom to go,too. My mom was trying to calm her down and said everything was probably okay. It wasn't though. My mom hurried my brother,sister, and me into the car. We drove over there and as we were pulling up the street, I saw all the ambulances and police cars and fire trucks. My mom told me to stay in the car with my sister and brother while she went in to see what what going on. I was terrified. I was 9 and had no idea what was going on. After what seemed like forever, I saw my mom come out of the house. She was screaming and crying.I just sat there in the car waiting for her to get over to the car. She opened the door and said that my Uncle Matt had died, but I had to understand that it was his choice. He had killed himself. I was in shock. I just screamed. And then I was silent. She said my grandma was going ton come and pickbus up, but that she was going to say at my uncles house. I just sat there a d watched other members of my family walk I. The house, and then come out crying. I saw my dad come, and I opened the window and yelled, "do you want to know what happened?" he said yes and I told him uncle matt killed himself. He just looked at me and then went inside. My grandma showed up not long after and we went to her house. I'm the only one left who hasn't been able to move on frim that day. I still feel anger towards him and I don't like talking about him. I avoid conversations surrounding him. I haven't cried for him in three years. I have PTSD because of that day, and anxiety disorder. I have irrational fears. That's why I'm here...I need to talk to people who understand what I feel like. I understand I could talk to my family, but I don't need to bring back bad memories.
Last edited by niece2006 on Sun Apr 07, 2013 8:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I miss you.:(

Postby Tootle » Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:09 am

Dear Niece, I'm so sorry you lost your uncle Matt. 9 years old is a difficult age to have such a tragic event happen and it is no surprise that you've been having a hard time to cope...I'm sure you're not the only one in your family who still suffers, the adults can hide things so well. I would try talking to your mom about her brother, let her know that you are still very hurt by what happened..that you don't feel like you are moving forward.. Sometimes just talking to someone about it helps, if you've got a good counselor at your school..you could always start there, they keep things confidential and you can talk about what happened that terrible day. You need to find a healthy way to grieve, to move forward. I do journaling, I find that by writing things out, it helps to sort out my feelings. I've also written letters to my brother and then threw them on the fire to send them to him. I speak out loud to my brother(sounds crazy, I know), and it gives me some comfort. Sometimes just talking about who your Uncle was, the fun times you had, the memories..all that can help, even just to know that others haven't forgotten about him. All suggestions, and after all that I don't know, I am still struggling myself. I just wanted you to know that I am listening.

Hugs,
Toot
In memory of my big brother Rob, my hero and best friend.

To forget time. To forgive life. To be at peace.
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Re: I miss you.:(

Postby niece2006 » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:43 am

Dear Tootle, thanks so much. I might try writing out my feelings sometimes. I do go to counseling and that helps, too. I talk out loud to him as well. It does help sometimes, but not always. Sometimes I get more anger out of it then comfort. I don't especially like talking about him. It makes me sad and angry sometimes, so I don't usually talk about who he was. I'm going to start trying to though. I hope it helps. Once again, thank you.

~Niece
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