My Introduction

Tell us who you are and what brought you here
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Jennsmom
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Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:41 pm

My Introduction

Post by Jennsmom » Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:37 pm

Hello,

My name is Annette. I am very new to this. My daughter, Jennifer ended her life on July 6, 2015, exactly three months ago today. I have been looking for support and to be honest, don't even really know what I need right now. I felt this opportunity to join others who understand this unbearable grief would be a good place to start. My beautiful daughter was 30 years old on May 9th, had been married to the love of her life for just over two years, and they bought their first house 1 year ago...just three blocks away from us (her mom and dad). She was the light of my life, had the most precious, giving heart, worked hard, but struggled with chronic pain from a serious car accident she was in on April 1, 2002. There was a lot of metal holding this kiddo's body together and I was simply grateful that God let me keep her then when we had several days of watching a ventilator breathe for her and many years of physical recovery. This unfortunately led to an addiction to pain medicine, which ultimately led her to her death...not an overdose, but a self inflicted gunshot wound because she couldn't deal with the pain or the possibility of disappointing another person. I thought it would be important to share the true circumstances. I am undoubtedly heartbroken, have been functioning at work, home, but a part of me died that day too. And this is where I am trying to be a part of a community of people who understand this terrific loss and am hoping to find ways to heal, try and do something good out of this loss (which I am still struggling to come to terms with that I will never see this lovely child's presence again). I pray for peace and comfort for each of you who are connected here and hope that I might find the same. Thanks, Annette

Blossom
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Posts: 1591
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Blossom » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:45 am

Annette, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear daughter.

The three month mark can be very tough.

All we have are our stories. I remember how hard it was to speak it in the beginning. I hope that sharing has helped you a little.

You are welcome to write here. Anything on any day and in anyway. This loss is so complicated.

Your daughter sounds lovely. I am just sorry that you must know this pain and I promise that it will let up a little one day, and then a little more and so on...but not at the price of losing the memories of yoru dear daughter.

Please take care - drink water, try to go a tiny walk, lay your head down - treat yoruself with the care you would give to a baby.

Jan
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.

Jennsmom
Visitor
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:41 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Jennsmom » Tue Oct 13, 2015 7:16 pm

Dear Jan,

Thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate the connection with you. Now I feel like I have a connection. It's one second at a time, really. I hope to connect with you again. My Jenn was complicated, but she was the light of my life and I am certain you understand that completely as you are here also. I do not know the circumstances of your loss, but if you are here, it is someone you loved dearly and I am so sorry for your loss.

My son in law is currently attending a local support group for survivors....I am grateful for that. I haven't joined him yet because I want this group to be just for him, but will reconsider. Again, I am just all over the place. I am currently just trying to feel out what is healthy and right for me right now....still don't know. It's not something that can't be fixed, but do know that I am looking to be connected with people for my personal support. Is it normal to be all over the place and just not know what to do?

Anyway, thank you again for reaching out to me. You made my day Jan!

Annette

Blossom
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Posts: 1591
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Blossom » Sat Oct 17, 2015 2:39 am

Hi Annette

Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear daughter. I am sorry that you must know this suffering.

I can remember counting the days, then the weeks, then the months, and now, years. We lost our son, Rory, aged 19, five years ago. He was a wonderful boy.

I don't come on here often these days, but I saw your post and wanted to reach out. I want you to know that I, and many folk here have survived this loss - we know some of the emotions you are feeling, the roller coaster, the bloody roller coaster! It is all a normal response to a terribly abnormal event. Hmm, fancy calling your daughter's passing, an event....sigh, please take me the right way. I used to be able to pin down metaphors a lot better than I can now. I made over a thousand posts - I think I exhausted my capacity for metaphor....

Please promise me one thing - while anything goes in grief, while we each have very different experiences in going through this (and skirting it a bit as well...anything goes), if you find that any lows get 'stuck' and dark, be a robot and out the call in to a counsellor - don't to and fro, just get on the blower, make an appointment and turn up. I look back and see that I often found myself with pumped up tyres on a sandhill - I needed someone to help me to let a little air out of the tyres in order to get traction.

I am going to post this as I keep bumping something and losing my reply to you.

jan
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.

Blossom
Mentor
Posts: 1591
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Blossom » Sat Oct 17, 2015 2:53 am

Er, part two (read the other post first)

I hope you are getting SOME sleep.Iit makes such a difference...well, it makes the pain less so.

Annette, I can remember that my 'pain' suddenly became almost intolerable at the three month mark - I was scraping the bottom of the barrel for energy and didn't know it ( adrenal exhaustion thrown in). I want you to know that if you find things terribly hard after a few months, this is normal too, and that a crack of light will appear for you.

I have lost my (old) capacity for flow of consciousness writing in grief - this reply is a little stilted.

I am off to to immerse myself in the world of elderly dad post surgery and his sister (my aunt), wheelchair bound, for whom he cares. i may or may not get to come back very often, but I am thinking of you.

Please take care - I hope that there are some folk here who will say hello.

jan x
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.

Jennsmom
Visitor
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:41 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Jennsmom » Sun Oct 18, 2015 4:19 pm

Hi Jan, thank you for your honest insight and response. I know it will all come eventually. Sunday's are especially tough for me. That was my day to have Jenn here for "our mom/daughter" time. I have read and am hearing you loud and clear and will reach out in good time :) Saying prayers for you, your Dad, and your Aunt. Don't know where you are at, but would assist you if you were near me. Thinking of you and your family. Take good care.

Jennsmom
Visitor
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:41 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Jennsmom » Sun Oct 18, 2015 4:22 pm

Oh, Jan, and I am hoping that your Rory and my Jenn have met....like you and I have. Our beautiful kiddos :)

Pamela
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Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 7:46 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Pamela » Mon Nov 02, 2015 8:51 pm

Hi there Annette. I saw your reply on my introduction. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. This is truly a heart wrenching club. In my profession I deal with suicide on a regular basis. Sad to say I truly never realized the impact until I experienced it by someone I love. I don't believe it's something you ever get over, you work to get through it. I sort of of equate it to training for a marathon. You start out running a mile then 2 and each day you progress more, whatever that is. While I still cry, I no longer cry several times an hour or have to carry tissues for safety. When I have thoughts of my husband, it's as if someone is squeezing my heart. I hope we can both train for this marathon, every once of support is meaningful.

Jennsmom
Visitor
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:41 pm

Re: My Introduction

Post by Jennsmom » Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:42 pm

Hi Pamela. Thank you kindly for your response. You are absolutely correct, this is truly a heart wrenching club. My hope was to meet others who understand this pain. It's so personal though and we can't fix the pain for one another, just go through it and hopefully find support to make it through. I am still on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I appreciate and agree with your analogy about training for a marathon. That is so true. I recently found a quote related to losing a loved one to a suicide death and it said "Open your heart wide and gently close your mouth. Walk beside me until my in color comes back". That about sums it up for me. All we can do is take one second at a time and I still hope to find good people like you to just communicate with. Take good care. Thinking of you.

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