This is so hard

Tell us who you are and what brought you here

This is so hard

Postby jillslay8 » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:27 am

This is so hard I been doing this same post just to introduce myself 4 days now cause every time I write it down I think no way is this possible. My younger brother Ken took his life 3-8-2012 and still I can not absorb the fact that it happened. He tried 2 do this 9 months ago but we found him just in time so I tell myself I got a 9 extra months with him yet it is hard to understand a 45 year old man with a wife 2 sons a house a job, why he thinks we would all be better off with out him??????? Now i am worried about my mom cause she says well I stop myself from crying and I will just think he is still here cause I want to. anyway that is the best I can do to tell my story Jill
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
jillslay8
Regular
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:22 am
Location: Las Vegas NV

Re: This is so hard

Postby cmarie » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:48 am

Thank you for sharing your story with us jillslay8. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry your brother was in so much pain.

In the very early days of grief there is shock,which takes a real toll on your body. My advice would be to take whatever help people offer, rest when you can, drink lots of water, and take the necessary moments you need alone.

I hope you will continue to write, and share with us when you can. There is a great deal of wisdom and compassion on these pages.

Take care.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
cmarie
Supporting
 
Posts: 859
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:30 pm

Re: This is so hard

Postby Madeleine » Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:30 am

Dear Jill,

The shock is unbelievable for you right now, and I don't know if it ever goes away. I found it very comforting to pretend my son was still alive, even though I was told that it's not healthy to do that. I didn't care because it gave me comfort. I remember this time last year, when my son died I just wanted someone to tell me what to expect, to explain to me how we would survive. Well you will survive, it's always going to be a part of your life but over time you will gain some peace. I liken it to walking on a tight rope, some days you feel like you can balance and carry on and then other days you feel like you are going to fall and not make it. Allow your friends to give you comfort and know that your brother didn't do this to deliberately hurt you, there as nothing you could have done to stop it. I have come to that realization as unpleasant as it seems. I will pray for you and your family and of course your brother. God bless
Madeleine
Visitor
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:11 am

Re: This is so hard

Postby Blossom » Fri Mar 23, 2012 5:14 pm

Hi Jill, I am very sorry for you and your family, for the loss of your dear brother.

I know the pain of this early grief...I didn't even identify it as pain then...the feelings that overwhelm. Take care, please.

Our hearts and minds are not on the same page in this grief. Madeleine is right...the reality is too much to absorb....so whether by 'choice' or whether our hearts take the lead, it is ok to spend time in the comfort zone. And what makes this so hard is that we are all different people even within a family.

Please feel welcome to visit here to read and/or write whenever you need to. As cmarie said, you will always find some understanding people here and nothing of this journey of bereavement is beyond our comprehension.
Blossom x

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
Blossom
Mentor
 
Posts: 1563
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: This is so hard

Postby jillslay8 » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:16 am

Thank you all so much I do think I am still in shock and like a nightmare and I need to take better care of my self and do my best to not let it consume my thoughts like I do it seems to be all I can think about and I have to be there to take care of my mom thank you very much
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
jillslay8
Regular
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:22 am
Location: Las Vegas NV

Re: This is so hard

Postby cali » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:48 pm

I think if you just let what ever you are experiencing be ok right now- I know nothing's ok, but in these early days of shock, there is no one solution, feelings are what they are, and protections - pretending he is still there, are what they are. You and your mom are inside the wave of grief and shock right now. Come up for air when you can. Drink water, rest, eat when you can, and know we are here whenever you want to communicate. Having to take care of someone when you are experiencing your own grief can be very hard. Sending you strength and comfort. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dear brother.
cali
Supporting
 
Posts: 755
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: This is so hard

Postby jillslay8 » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:08 am

I am also sorry for every ones loss because never in my life did I ever think this would happen (as well as any of you never thought you have to be here ) it is so sad and so painful and so hard to even know what you are feeling thank you all for taking the time to give me your thoughts and helpful words. I am doing my best to be hopeful that time will make it easier
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
jillslay8
Regular
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:22 am
Location: Las Vegas NV


Return to Introduce Yourself

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron
This web site built and maintained by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com -- Portions Copyright © by Rick Hellewell / CellarWeb.com, All Rights Reserved.