I hate this

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I hate this

Postby RedVelvet » Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:17 pm

My little brother comitted suicide on January 19th 2012. He was 29 years old with a wife and a 14 month old son. He shot himself 2 days after my 31st birthday. His wife and my older Sister found him, and they have not been the same since. No one deserves to walk into what they walked into that night. We were very close growing up, and I feel like a part of me died with him.

I am frustrated that he did this. I can't understand what could have been so bad that he decided to leave us all behind to pick up the pieces. I feel literal pain knowing that he choose to end his story like this. His life is overshadowed by how he died. He didn't live the way he died. His son will not know him personally, and every parent knows that no one loves your child like you do.

I'm confused, I'm frustrated, but mostly I'm heartborken.

I'm just so heartborken.
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Re: I hate this

Postby Bereaved1 » Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:58 pm

I'm very sorry that you are in pain, RedVelvet. You found the right place. Keep writing here. Do as much as you can to take care of yourself so you can help the others. Here's a (hug).
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
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Re: I hate this

Postby cmarie » Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:33 pm

Yes, so heart broken I am so sorry you have lost your brother.
I have limited capacity to write today. I wanted you to know I was thinking about you, and understand your pain.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Take care.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: I hate this

Postby mydnyghtamethyst » Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:28 pm

I'm sorry about the loss of your brother. I hope you will find some comfort here.
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Re: I hate this

Postby anangelnamedjordan » Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:04 pm

When someone takes their life by suicide their pain does not end ... it only transfer to those who are left behind.
I lost my beautiful son on 4/24/11. He had just turned 17 yrs old on 4/21/11. So even though I am coming up on a year ... the pain is still so unbearable. My son showed no signs. I thought he was the perfect child.
They leave us with so many unanswered questions, so much guilt, and anger. But yet our hearts still are broken because we lost the one we loved and couldn't save them.
I know all too well what you sister and your brother's wife are going through. I was with my son when he shot himself. We were target shooting (which was something we did a lot).
So they are and will for a long while going through a great amount post trauma from this. My best advise for them as well as for you is seek a good therapist who can help you through the raw emotions.
Try to educated yourself as much as you can about suicide. It will help you to understand that our love ones did not do this to be hateful or to hurt us. It is just the pain they were feeling was too much .
And my biggest thing is to take this tragic (something the devil wanted to destroy me with) and turn it to something good. I just pray each day for God to carry me through this nightmare until I am strong enough to stand on my own ... as I will pray the same for you and your family. God Bless You
And may my angel may show your brother around the kingdom of heaven
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Re: I hate this

Postby suepred » Sat Mar 17, 2012 6:32 am

I too am sorry for your loss and pain. I am 7 months into this journey after losing my dearhusband. He too was well loved amd had everything to live for. I also found him taking his last breath. I suggest you get a hold of S.O.S. survivors of suicide. I am now involved in a weekley meeting with them . Some of theideas I have been introduced there have been life changing forme to learn how to live with Mikey's death, also this forum is the greatest and evryone here understands you and will not judge. God bless you. Peace suepred.
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Re: I hate this

Postby RedVelvet » Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:04 pm

Thank you all so much for the kind comments. I seem to have joined an elite club that I never wanted to be a part of. I so need your support right now.
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