Alone

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Alone

Postby ocexpress » Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:40 am

Hello,
16 months ago my husband of 31 years decided to take his life.
Looking back, there were signs, I should have seen the signs.

No children so pretty much alone now.

Just looking for someone who might understand what I'm going through.
ocexpress
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Re: Alone

Postby Karyl » Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:16 pm

Dear Ocexpresss,

My heart goes out to you. 31 years together, and now your husband is gone. That is a huge change, and it will take a lot of time to adjust to something you did not anticipate or want.

Would you like to tell us a little about your husband and what happened?
Karyl
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Re: Alone

Postby ocexpress » Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:00 pm

I knew he was depressed. Had been on medication for a few years. About 10 years ago he had non hodgkins lymphoma which he beat! Physically but not sure he beat it emotionally. Cancer changed who he was. Made him afraid of every ache. Couldn't work anymore.
He seemed to be doing better after I retired. I know now that was only because he decided to end his life.
I went to visit my sister, his idea, and he shot himself in our home while I was away.
I should have known something was up
31 years and not even a good bye. Such a waste.
Not sure what to do with myself.
ocexpress
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Re: Alone

Postby cali » Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:33 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a good place to come support. Please keep writing.
cali
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Re: Alone

Postby Suzanne » Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:37 pm

ocexpress,

Five years ago, I lost my husband of 34 years to suicide. We have two children who are grown. I understand the depth of loneliness that comes with losing a life partner. When Dave died, I lost my future and I lost my past too. It took me a long time to grieve for him and then to find myself again. He, too, had been depressed for about 8 years before his death.

Please come check in with us often. We understand,

Suzanne
Wife of Dave 10/17/47-11/1/06
Read our story
http://books.google.com/books?id=4zThE8 ... A7o6s-fPpU
Suzanne
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Location: Brooklyn, NY

Re: Alone

Postby janis1127 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:54 am

I lost my husband September 15, 2011. We were married 37 years and he was the love of my life too. I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I am stuck in neutral, with no future at all. This website has helped a lot because you have loving caring people that are going through the same things. I don't know if it gets any better with time, I still feel like it did the day I found him.
janis1127
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Re: Alone

Postby ocexpress » Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:48 am

Janis,

So sorry to hear that! I can say it is a different feeling after 16 months then it was 2 months. I very seldom feel that just got kicked in the stomach feeling I had in the first 6 months or so. I really think suicide changes everything. My husbands choice rocked me to the core. There are so many angles to what they did and how it affects us.
ocexpress
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