Still Feels Like a Dream

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Re: Still Feels Like a Dream

Postby irwinsmom » Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:19 pm

I am so sorry for all your loses as well. This by far has been the hardest thing we have had to face in life. In fact my kids and I just went to a wedding for a very dear friend this weekend. It was bittersweet to say the least. This wedding had been planned for three years and my husband was a big part of it. It was so hard to be there without him but yet again it was great to have our friends rally around us. One of the hardest parts though was when my daughter had to leave the room during the father/daughter dance. It was hard for me to see her sad knowing that she will never have that moment in her life. These are the moments that get to me the most. I just don't understand how he thought this would all be okay. My kids are being incredibly strong through all of this. But I worry about them constantly and I think it is so unfair that they worry about me. They shouldn't have this burden on their shoulders at such a young age.

The road ahead is going to be tough for all of us. Some days I don't know how it is that I am able to continue to live my life without him. Yet time seems to be moving in warp speed, it will be 8 weeks this Thursday already although it still seems like yesterday. I don't know how I get out of bed every day and continue on with my routines. I guess I don't have a choice really. While I am exhausted at night I often wonder how it is that I am able to get into my bed and rest my head. I feel like I shouldn't be able to do that and sleep soundly. I feel like I don't have the right to do that! And then I get upset because he doesn't visit me in my dreams. I've asked him to come to me so that I know he is with us but it has only been a few times that I've dreamt of him.

I miss him so very much and it hurts to know that what I really the only thing I want in life is to have him back and there is no way to get that.

I hope we can all find peace within our sorrow. I find that surrounding myself with friends and keeping busy helps. Being alone is the worst. I appreciate all of you reaching out to me. Know that I feel your sadness and hope that we can all mend our broken hearts some day.
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Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2011 9:44 pm
Location: Philadelphia


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