My Sister Cheryl

[pammie]

My name is Pamela and I lost my sister Cheryl to suicide on June 23, 2012. I wanted to join the site because of the recommendation from a friend who lost their son to suicide six years ago and she said that this really helped her. I know I need this too because I am having such a difficult time dealing with the loss of my sister. I feel sad, depressed and lost and just don't know how to get through this without some help. I really don't think that unless someone has been through the same thing they really can't fully understand how it feels.

[Tootle]

Hi Pamela, I'm sorry you lost your sister.. I lost my brother, he was my only sibling. People who haven't been thru this, just can't understand how hard the loss is to cope with.. It has been over a year and a half since my brother left and I still struggle.. You are so fresh in your grief, my heart goes out to you. Some things that helped me, books... No time to say goodbye by Carla Fine and Dying to be Free by Bev Cobain. I saw a counselor for a while, also went on antidepressants to help me move past my deep sadness..together all these things helped....but it takes time. Love and care for yourself, treat yourself gently...
When you can, please tell us about your sister Cheryl..
Take care (((((HUGS)))))
Tootle

[pammie]

She had been depressed for a while because of her son being on drugs and not keeping in touch. She didn't want to talk about him much and I thought she seemed to be doing better. She had her own place but had been staying with me on the weekends for the last few months. We did a lot together and she seemed like she was doing okay because we would eat out and go shopping, work in the yard planting flowers, talking to neighbors. She hid it well because I had no idea, and nobody else in the family did either that she was thinking about suicide. We had found on her computer under the history that she had been under sites of ways to commit suicide. I am so heartbroken that I wish i could have helped her if I had known that she was even thinking about that. It is hard for me to understand how she could hide that depression like she did. I hurt also because I can't even imagine how she was feeling all the time, the sadness. My younger sister and I found her, she had shot herself.

I know time does help, but I can't even imagine the point of when I will get there. I am thankful that I have a great job and a loving family and good friends.

I hope this site will help me because I am seeing a psycologist but it isn't helping me like I thought it would.

I thank everyone for their support.

[Tootle]

Time helps, yes, but time is also the enemy...it takes us further and further away from our lost loved ones...I sometimes get annoyed thinking about how time helps.
So many of our loved ones who are gone by suicide didn't show signs of depression, they became pro's at hiding pain..my brother hid it well, I always knew he was sensitive....all I know is that this journey has sucked every step of the way!

Some people on here would suggest a suicide support group, I have never been to one as there isn't one in my community. This site was the only place I could find where I could relate to others, being anonymous allows me to be able to rant about my anger at the situation. The counselor helped in very small ways, I do a lot of journaling, I still cry alot. I am still so heartbroken and think I will be for the rest of my life. My brother was 46, I'm turning 46 next year....it's gonna feel really weird catching up to his age.

I am thankful that you have a good job that can hopefully support you while you get through the initial stages of your grief, having loving family and friends is such good support..
How is your sister's son doing through all this?
Thinking of you...

[pammie]

Thanks Tootle, I am so sorry about your brother Rob. I appreciate your response very much, take care.

[cali]

Dear pammie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is still very early in your grief, for the first few months almost all of us are in some form of shock. Do make a practice of drinking plenty of water and getting rest when you can. Tootie brought up some good points.
If you don't feel confident- or at least hopeful about working with the psychologist, you might look for someone who specifically works (both) with grief and truama. For suicide survivors I feel pretty strongly the effects of both need to be addressed concurrently. If you do a search on "complicated grief,"- all of us here seem to have it. Feeling that the relationship with your counselor is supportive and helpful is really important.
I too feel the need to ask after your nephew. Children who have lost a parent to suicide are usually in terrific pain and need a lot of support, even if they weren't close to the parent, and it sounds like he may have already been struggling before this . If you are able to reach out to him, or know of other family members or friends of his who might be able to, I encourage you to get in touch.
This is a one moment at a time process, be patient with yourself, and know that all of us here support you.
cali

[nomigomi]

pammie, i hope you are doing well. i lost my sister 3 yrs ago, and just wanted to reach out to say you're not alone. very sorry for your loss.

[suepred]

pammie you are not alone i lost my husband almost 11 months ago. Time is not always your friend but be kind to yourself and gentle . sos group has helped me alot, as has this site. Everyone here understands, God bless you in your journey. peace suepred

[pammie]

Thank all for you for your kind words, the group is definitely helping because of everyone being in the same situation and you understand the pain and the support that is needed.

[Athena]

Pammie, I lost my sister last October. I started using this forum for help and I admit it did for a while until I couldn't bare reading more tragic stories because I would cry uncontrollably. It is still very hard logging back in a seeing how many new people have joined because their losses. I know time has helped but at the same time, I hate knowing how long it's been. It makes me feel like I'm growing distant from her and makes me feel extremely guilty. I feel what you are going threw, although everyone's story is unique still. I hope you and your family get the support you need and know that you are not alone. My thoughts are with you and your sister.