All in the month of April ... How do I get thru this

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All in the month of April ... How do I get thru this

Postby anangelnamedjordan » Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:49 pm

Springtime use to be my favorite time of year. To see the beauty of the flowers blooming, the smell of fresh cut grass ... and to celebrate my amazing son who I love so much birthday on April 21st.

That was until last year when we celebrated my son's 17th birthday and three very short days later he committed suicide on 4/24/11.

This in my first year anniversary (not like any of them will be easy), but I just don't know what to do.

A part of me wants to go up to his grave site and celebrate his birthday, and then the other part of me wants to pretend it is not real.

Just asking for any advise even though I know what works for one may not work for another ... but at least everybody on this site understands where I am coming from. My feelings and emotions are real to you. As much as my friends and family try to understand and I know that they love me ... they can only do so much.
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Re: All in the month of April ... How do I get thru this

Postby cmarie » Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:11 pm

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. What I have heard, read, and even experienced is the lead up to an anniversary can be more painful than the actual date.

april 22 would have been my sons 18th birthday. It is the second without him. After a ver bad experience - our first christmas morning without him, I will always have something planned. Even if I don't do it, I will have a plan. Last year we wrote on balloons and sent them off in the atmosphere. This year we may plant a plant/bush/tree on a new piece of property we have bought. Have a plan - go to his grave- but give yourself permission to not do it if it doesn't feel right in the moment.

Take care of you, and do what you need to do to get through the day. You will get through it. There is light on the other side- follow it.

I will be thinking of you and sending you thoughts of peace and comfort on April 22 and 24.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.
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Re: All in the month of April ... How do I get thru this

Postby psyquestor » Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:03 am

I am so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you as you go through the anniversaries of his death and his birthday.

My son Brian died in October, three days shy of his 22nd Birthday, so I do understand some of what you're feeling. The first year I was really in no shape to do anything and laid in bed most of those three days crying. I had thought to work extra shifts to keep my mind off of it, but it backfired. The second year didn't go much better, but the third year I was able to do something to honor my son's memory and plant some flowers at his grave. We also placed his permanent stone memorial there on the anniversary. Although it was hard, and there were many tears, it helped me to finally have the marker in place. I don't know that your anniversaries will be at all similar, but I wanted you to know that although you never get over it, you do get through it.

I will be thinking of you on Jordan's Angel day and on his Birthday.

(((((gentle hugs))))))
Proud Army Mom

I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.

Hold On, Pain Ends
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