This happened to me a few times too...and I am sorry for your frustration!
I am very sorry for the loss of your dear dad.
I lost my mum (to natural causes) when I was 14 yrs old and it wasn't until my early 40's that my heart let it be known that I needed to grieve. I want you to know that this is very common amongst us human beings....and because suicide is so difficult to speak about for so many, because there are NO tools in life's tool box to prepare for or cope with sudden death (let alone suicide), because I suspect it really does need wrestling in one way or another all our lives...well, it is normal.
Although I only have your lost words to read, I know that it is love that is at the heart of your post. Take care and please know that there are folk here who have also come to share the upheavals of long-time grief felt afresh and will support you....listen to you.
If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
and sorry you lost all your heartfelt words to cyberspace
I hope you don't give up and find the strength to rewrite and tell us about your loss and how you feel
I have lost many posts through the same problem and now ''copy'' before submitting just in case.
another way is to write a long post in a ''word'' document first then copy and paste
I understand how frustrating it can be but I hope your 'writing' it out was healing for you in some way.