why is the image so haunting...?

A discussion of any suicide issue or grief topic that don't fit elsewhere.

why is the image so haunting...?

Postby missingmjc » Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:46 pm

It has been 3 weeks and 1 day since I lost my best friend. I feel like there is a HUGE hurdle/wall in the way of me accepting his death. I can not get over or accept the method he chose. Hanging. WHY???? Earlier attempts had been with pills and plastic bags...he also attempted to jump...but hanging??? Really!? The last thing he searched for on his laptop was "manly ways to commit suicide"--- Miguel was not afraid of heights, he LOVED rope swings and I know that it would have been easy for him to jump toward a rope. What I don't understand is why I can't seem to get past the method. I keep picturing him. I cannot think of a worse way. TO make it even harder the family did not have any viewings or funeral really- they had him cremated and a "celebration of life" ceremony. It's almost as if I can't believe he is actually dead.

so, my question is...why is hanging such a haunting image? so traumatic? ugh.
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby Suzanne » Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:40 pm

Hi missingmjc,
I lost my husband Dave about 5 1/2 years ago to hanging. Although he had been depressed and suicidal for a long time, He had always talked about overdosing. I made regular sweeps of the house disposing of pills he had stockpiled. I was really shocked by the method he had chosen. I found him, but got to spend very little time with him. He died in our basement. I went upstairs to make the 911 call and as soon as the first responders got there, the basement was off-limits, a crime scene. Hanging seemed so violent and not at all in keeping for my gentle husband. I kept imagining over and over again his last moments. I could not get that out of my head for a long time.

I am so sorry that you lost your best friend, and in this terrible way. Even having seen Dave, it was impossible for me to believe that he was really gone. Grieving a suicide death takes a long long time. It is unlike any other grieving. Many questions will haunt you over the next months. Please feel free to come here. We understand how hard these questions are and we understand why you cannot stop asking them.
Suzanne
Wife of Dave 10/17/47-11/1/06
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby missingmjc » Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:46 pm

Thanks for the reply- it just seems like the worst image of death- I can't shake it!
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby gosh » Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:13 pm

This may sound really selfish but I am really glad that me or my family were not the ones to find my brother, it was his co-worker. Still, I keep on producing images in my head of my brother when he hung himself, it is really masochistic, but sometimes I just can't get it out of my head.

Take care,

Gosia
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Every time I get a hold of you, I know I roll the dice
How far can I go from my pain before it takes my life?
Perhaps in death, Euphoria, you'll be forever mine
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby psyquestor » Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:10 pm

I read on the Befriender's site ( www.befrienders.org ) that it is common to picture a loved one in that way, even when you weren't the one to find them. It is our brain's way of processing the death. I do recommend the site to anyone with questions about grieving a loved one's suicide. There is a lot of good information on the site.

http://www.befrienders.org/support/inde ... ponses.php
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Postby cali » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:48 am

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Last edited by cali on Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby psyquestor » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:32 am

Cali, I've never been able to read that topic. I have seen it is a 'hot' topic with many replies. Since there is a warning in the header, I decided it is probably too graphic for me to read.
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I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

Hold On, Pain Ends
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Postby cali » Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:53 am

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Last edited by cali on Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby missingmjc » Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:47 pm

I will go look for that posting next. I am not hurt by anything that has been said thus far. I think it would be hard for me to be hurt by things at this point- I'm pretty numb. I am going to do some art work about the image and word--- it is the reality that I can't really accept. Ugh. sorry this is so disjointed, I am a bit raw for some reason
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Re: why is the image so haunting...?

Postby Crystl » Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:44 pm

I lost my son to hanging and although I didn't see him until after the Police had cut him down I have an image in my head of him hanging..
I wish I didn't!
I read that thread on hanging and was ok with it...the knowledge that it would have been quick helped..
I'm sorry you have this too 'missing'..I hope one day for both of us this image will fade..*hug*
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