A discussion of any suicide issue or grief topic that don't fit elsewhere.
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:51 pm
My son died a long time ago. He has been sending me Angel signs since day one. Really good ones. I believe it is his way of letting me know that he is ok. Every birthday, every holiday, every special day. I will start with the latest one which is my memorial day present. I woke up Saturday and was feeling so sad. I went out to clean the yard and found a tomato patch in the pig pen. I thought it was one bush but there are about 100 tomatoes the size of golf balls. There were 10 people down there last week and nobody noticed that there was a tomato patch??? Made it through this weekend with that one. On mother's day I went to his grave with my two granddaughters and we took a rose and I told them that Perry would spin his pinwheel when we left to say goodbye to us and he did. I slight spin around almost 2 times in a day when there was absolutely no wind. A few weeks ago I had to go to a neighbor's funeral who was a dear friend for over 25 years now and our children grew up very close. It was really hard for me to go because I knew I would cry in front of everybody because they loved Perry and were there for me when he died. I told Perry he better send me a sign because I could barely breathe. I went right when they started and I was reading the stuff on the walls and ceiling of my friend's shop and I looked up and there it was. A sign that was on a gate by my house that had been taken and the people blamed me for stealing the sign. I couldn't believe it. I said to myself that "well, this is a sign", right??? I could see them together laughing about this from above. Anyway, there are so many more and so I can finish with my best one. I was broke as a joke a couple of years ago and I took my paycheck to the poker room and I told Perry before I went that mommy could use a little help right now. I was sitting at a table with a bunch of guys and they were drinking and laughing cause I was losing all my money to them. Well, I got a jack king in the hand and an ace on the flop with 16 dollars left so I had to bet and the queen came on the turn, had to keep betting and was down to 6 bucks. That 10 came out on the river and the first guy checked, the second guy looked at me smiled and said check, I checked, threw down and won $25,000.00. I couldn't believe it because I knew Perry helped me. Havent played again for a couple of years cause I know that is a once in a lifetime kind of win. I told him earlier that day that if he helped me win the jackpot that I would let him go to the light and quit holding him back but that was June of 09 and he still lets me know he is ok. If this can give anybody hope out there then I hope I don't delete this before I post. It is hard for me because I don't like to brag, I don't want anybody to feel bad if they don't get signs, a lot of people dont. I have been a long time survivor and still have my moments. My heart breaks for all the new people here and especially for all my other moms here that I love so much who have helped me make it this far.
Mother of Perry Atkinson, Jr. 9/7/87-10/21/03
"I remember you by heart"
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:14 pm
On my wedding day which was a week and a year after my brother ended his life there was torrential rain. There was flash flooding (you can see my wedding car the wrong side of a giant puddle and trying to turn at the back of the picture in this link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-19381929 ) and it was showing no sign of slowing. I was in the backseat holding my bouquet. I had bought a photo charm and the photographer added it to the top of my bouquet. It had two photos of my brother on it as if he had still been with us, I would have been walked down the aisle by him and I wanted him to make the journey with me.
As we were in the car I thought "come on Mikey, stop the rain you don't want my dress to get soaked do you?" and I swear on my future babies that the rain slowed. I then said out loud "come on that's better but not quite what I need" and within a few seconds it had completely stopped. I believe that my brother was there and he did me the not too shabby favour of stopping the rain. By the time the service was over and we had some photos taken the flooding outside the venue had completely drained and guests were able to walk over the same bit that's flooded in the link above. Again, I think this was his gift to me on my wedding day. I would have traded an eternity of rain to have him there but he did the best that he could
- Posts: 304
- Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:56 am
Just yesterday I was at work busy with someone, when a woman walked in to our retail store...she looked identical to my sister-in-law(who I have not spoken to since December 2010) they way she looked at me from the side...I thought to myself "Why the hell is SHE here?" but also knowing at the same time that it wasn't really her...after I finished helping the original person I was with, I went over to help the woman who looked like my SIL, when I looked at her, she didn't look anything like my SIL..so I just brushed it off as being weird, but then I was filling out a form for her when she told me her name..her first name was my SIL's name and her last name was Fears. Today I am not totally baffled as to what this might mean(there I go, sounding like my mom, she sees signs in everything..sometimes drives me nuts), my SIL is in my mind alot, as I feel she carries a lot of responsibility for what happened to my brother, we have ALOT of unfinished business and I can't deal with her because I am so angry. I have a feeling my brother may have shown that sign to get on with dealing with my intense feelings of anger towards her....
A month ago I was sitting in my living room having yet another breakdown day, when I definitely felt a hand on my upper middle back, there was no denying that the touch was my brothers, he was very caring and sensitive...shortly after I heard whispers in my kitchen..and I could feel someone walking around, very strange indeed.
In memory of my big brother Rob, my hero and best friend.
To forget time. To forgive life. To be at peace.
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:34 pm
- Location: U.K
It has been really uplifting to read all of these accounts of comfort in the form of 'signs'! I thought I should share mine too.
I lost my Dad to suicide two years ago and, just before his death, he had rescued an injured pigeon. I joked with my Mum that Dad would send a pigeon to us to tell us that he is about but that we wouldn't notice - as pigeons are everywhere! As the months went by I did have some odd instances with pigeons but just brushed them off as unremarkable. As times got harder with the grieving process we lost my Nan (Dad's mother) and I started to have panic attacks quite regularly.
One morning last year I was in a bit of a state, sat at my computer but thinking about my Dad. Looking out of the window I spotted a heron - enormous and blatent! He was sat on the fence. I had never really seen a heron before, I live in a built up area (in the UK) and nobody has a pond nearby so there was no reason for him to be there at all. Countless times since I have found myself crying or in panic and have looked out of the window to see the heron, sat there and looking in at me. Other people have been with me at times and found it hilarious that this massive bird is perched on my fence, dwarfing everything else in the garden. When I told my Dad's sister of the heron she was just on her way to visit my Nan's grave, what did she see when she got there? A heron. Sat in the carpark!
- Posts: 75
- Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 3:40 pm
It will be two years Jan. 17 that my son passed. Though I've had sensitivities for a while, I have just kept them to myself. Early on I had a disturbing vision and still don't know what to make of it and don't really want to dwell on it. Perhaps someday I'll discover the reason for it.
On Tues. afternoon I left work late knowing I had a long drive to pick up my daughter at school and then a long drive home. I had been stressed all morning and when I started driving the long bridge to get to where my daughter was, I truly felt I was going to be in some sort of accident. I felt that I wasn't paying attention to my driving and had a couple of near misses that startled me.
At one point I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw my son in the back, not as if he was sitting but more as if he were at a distance, meaning I saw his face much smaller than if he were inside the car. Something made me glance to my right, and I saw a truck that had the company name printed in black, bold letters. The name of the company is so similar to my son's name that it's uncanny. I looked in the rearview mirror again but just saw the back seat. Right then a calm came over, and I knew I would make the trip just fine and I did.
Until I see you in Heaven, my beautiful boy. I will always love you, Mom.