I lost my wife, my life and soulmate on this earth, Heather to suicide in July this year,
Heather's dog Holly (1 of 2 black labs we have) has always had a "thing" about only chasing one ball that she loves all through her life at any given time. Ever since she was a puppy. We could throw any other ball and she knew it wasn't the one she loved and even when it was in the "air" she would stop in her tracks and leave it until we threw her special one. Well obviously over the years (she is 7 on 21st of this month) she has lost two or 3 and we have had to wean her onto another. Well Heather said to me about 3 month's ago that Holly's ball was getting so small now and how were we going to find another one of the same texture and look when that one's gone. I hadn't thought anymore about it until yesterday afternoon when I got out the car to take them both for a walk along the seafront. They both jumped out the car and as usual I went to get Holly's ball off the back seat. It was gone. OMG I thought. This will be a fun walk as Holly will now walk backwards all the way looking at me waiting to throw it as she does. What am I going to do I thought. Oh well I continued to walk up the grass bank up towards the beach and as always Holly was looking at me and walking backwards waiting for me to throw her ball looking puzzled! I got up the top of a mound towards the beach huts to a track just before the entrance to the beach and there on the floor in front of me (Yes you guessed it!...I swear on my 3 boys lives.) was a white ball the same texture only near new like the one she had. I looked up at the sky and just broke down. I sobbed and crouched on my haunches and picked it up. Hollys tail wagged faster than normal, I dusted it off and threw it. Off Holly went after it. She stopped when she got to it. Sniffed it for a second picked it up and came charging back to me. Now if that wasn't Heather who somehow arranged that then I do not know! Gave me comfort. Gave me a little peaceful moment. The very first.
Please share (only if you want to) your "signs" on this thread.....
I had a shooting star (about which I was ambivalent...sorry), my husband's beer bottle moved a couple of inches front of our eyes as we were watching, at a moment when our small, remaining family were connecting joyously for one of the first times after he died....again I was ambivalent. There were a few more. While being 'alert' or open deeply to undeniable signs has tapered off ( I feel my son is away now)...what remains is a heightened resonance with nature, colour, sound....and those in pain. I am glad you have recorded these signs...while they may not hold the 'wonder' of this day forever, they will never be 'less real' , and they are ballast, like nothing else is, in surviving.
Gawd....sounding all preachy....the above is just an opinion.
If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.
About 2 years after we planted the redbud, another tree was planted very close by. Suddenly some odd fungus began growing under the redbud in a way that suggested an obscene gesture. I don't think Dave was too happy about having a neighbor so close to him!
On my birthday this past mid-May, I took an early morning walk past the redbud. It was past blooming time for the tree, but as I looked down at a very low branch some new blossoms had opened overnight. And directly below that branch, lying in the wet grass, lay two soggy dollar bills. I like to think the flowers and the money was a birthday gift from Dave!
I don't know how much of this is coincidence and how much is design, but it is comforting somehow.
Read our story
http://books.google.com/books?id=4zThE8 ... A7o6s-fPpU
I know wherever they are they try the best way they can to give us signs that they are with us. That is why with every wind that blows I feel that he's there trying to hold me with each gush telling me he is always with me.
After my brother died, I kept talking out loud to my dead loved ones to let me know that Rob was ok, about a week after his death, I dreamt of Baldy for the first time since his death in 2008... Baldy was happy to see me, but no one else in the dream could see him, just me and he said twice "he's ok" with the kindest, most compassionate, warmest, most gentle look on his face...it was so real that I woke up in stunned disbelief, missing him and feeling comforted. I woke up with the feeling that my brother had sent Baldy with a message because he couldn't do that yet. It would be three weeks later that I had my brother dream(which is in another post).
To forget time. To forgive life. To be at peace.
Every time I get a hold of you, I know I roll the dice
How far can I go from my pain before it takes my life?
Perhaps in death, Euphoria, you'll be forever mine
Another night I was lying in bed ready to fall asleep when all of a sudden the scent of his cologne crossed in front of my face. It didn't startle me at all I just took a deep breath and said ok. Just two weeks ago again as I was lying in bed I though I felt someone gently touching my check. I could actually feel the pressure of a touch and again it didn't startle me I just said ok.
Recently a casual friend messaged me that she saw a figure in her home out of the corner of her eye while she was painting (she was alone) and then a voice spoke to her and said "its ok Gina stop being so nervous when you talk to Lynda, talk about me to her its ok, dont' be nervous". As soon as I read her message I started to cry and shake. I talk about my husband all of the time which helps me get through some really tough days. I truly believe that my husband is here with us and in his own little way is letting us know. It brings me so much comfort. If this is what I have to hold onto then that is fine with me. Just knowing that his presence is around gives me a little peace.