When someone you love completes suicide: Article

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When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby psyquestor » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:31 am

http://www.taps.org/magazine/article.aspx?id=6798

Opening to the Presence of Your Loss
By Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD

This article is excerpted from Dr. Wolfelt's book The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way.

“In every heart there is an inner room, where we can hold our greatest treasures and our deepest pain.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Someone you love has completed suicide. In your heart, you have come to know your deepest pain. To be bereaved literally means to be torn apart. You have a broken heart and your life has been turned upside down.

While it is instinctive to want to run as far away as possible from the overwhelming pain that comes with this loss, you have probably already discovered that even if you try to hide, deny, or self-treat your pain, it is still within you, demanding your attention. In acknowledging the inevitability of the pain and raw suffering that comes with this grief, in coming to understand the need to gently embrace the pain, you (in effect) honor the pain.

The word honor literally means recognizing the value of and respecting. It is not instinctive to see grief that erupts following a suicide death and the need to mourn as something to honor. But I hope you discover, as I have, that to honor your grief is not self-destructive or harmful; it is self-sustaining and life-giving.

You have probably been taught that pain is an indication that something is wrong and that you should find a way to alleviate the pain. In our culture, the role of pain and suffering is misunderstood. This is particularly true with suicide grief. Because of the stigma and taboo surrounding suicide, many people think you shouldn’t talk about it, let alone honor your pain by openly mourning...

Continue reading this article at http://www.taps.org/magazine/article.aspx?id=6798
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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby insearchofpeace » Mon Sep 10, 2012 1:24 pm

Some very affirming words regarding what it takes to truly begin healing....thank you for sharing this article Tammy...x
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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby Blossom » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:14 pm

This is SO good! Yesterday, someone said to me that suicide is a genetic weakness (I got a lecture), an inability to turn their scars into stars. What a cop out - it must be a comfort to have the world sorted so nicely into 'other's and 'me'. He said that as an employer, he could pick the ones who were likely to suicide. I stupidly tried to start explain....but was talked over the top of....I wanted to be bigger and not let this creep under my skin - I saw that choice inside of me as the feelings bubbled, but boy, I could not shake that shitty feeling being on the receiving end of righteousness. Can I say the word fuckwit on here? In Oz, that is a special pedestal for high achieving idiots. I guess the difference is that early on, I was vulnerable to such righteousness, now I just get a bit cranky! Thanks for this article - it is really very good...I will read again. Morning rant over - I hijacked your thread. Not feeling so kindly today. Not always possible it seems!
Blossom x

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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby psyquestor » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:32 pm

(((Blossom)))) No such thing as hijacked threads, you go ahead and get it out. I'm sorry this neanderthal is in your life Blossom. He sounds very egocentric and I probably wouldn't be able to stand more than a few seconds in a room with the dolt. ((hugs))

We used to have some fairly young persons visiting and posting on the board but I've not seen them on the log in quite some time. I think it'll be okay to leave it "as is." Some times you just gotta say %^&*
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Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby Blossom » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:38 pm

Thanks. Lesson of survival - you don't have to listen to people who will not listen to you and at the same time, pray that it never happens to them.
Blossom x

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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby psyquestor » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:39 pm

Amen~!
Tammy
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I thought I would lay down and die after losing my Son to suicide.
Instead I chose to fight the monster that killed him.
http://www.afsp.org

Hold On, Pain Ends
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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby suepred » Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:12 am

Amen amen Thank you ! As usual you ladies are spot on! Peace suepred May everyone have a good week.
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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby Suzanne » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:23 am

Great article, Tammy. Thanks.

And Blossom, there is nothing worse than a know-nothing who thinks he knows it all. It is hard for us survivors to know when to try to explain and educate and when to just let it go. In this guy's mind, he was an extraordinary judge of character and nothing you could say would change his own self-importance. A fuckwit indeed.

Hope you are having some better days. I myself just got back from a restorative beach vacation just in time to head into the dreaded months of October (Dave's birthday) and November.

Suzanne
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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby Blossom » Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:15 am

Yes, better days already Suzanne. I should have seen him coming... I am glad you had a break - restorative is a good word and there is something about the water that has its way with us. I'm sorry that you have an Autumn change that coincides with Dave's anniversary. We are seasonal creatures whether we like it or not...just makes it a little harder. Please tell me that 'undreaded' is a possible state of existence when it comes to anniversaries....

I wonder if you have found a poem yet?

Photos just don't come near who my son is to me now. They truly are one-dimensional, lacking spirit. It's like I have to agree inwardly to simplify him if I look at a photo. But I suppose they serve to spark memories..... I'm a little confused and can't find 'it' in me sometimes.... just a bit of blank and wonder how much is holding it down and how much is the gift of 'relief'...will probably feel different tomorrow (that's the only sure thing). Off topic...thanks for your replies. My little tale clearly struck a chord.
Blossom x

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Re: When someone you love completes suicide: Article

Postby cali » Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:17 am

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Last edited by cali on Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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