I wanted to share something that brings me comfort and is also the reason for my screen name.
While I have Christian beliefs and values, I am more spiritual than anything else and really feel that spirituality in nature. And I have come to the belief that sometimes our loved ones send little greetings to us using butterflies.
Now, that is not to say that every single butterfly is a message from the beyond. But I have had several "experiences" that were very surreal and I can't shake them. One of the strongest was when I was walking my dog in a nearby park a year or so ago. As we were walking along, this very pretty black-and-yellow butterfly flew up and practically landed on my nose! And continued to follow me down the trail for a little ways, and I just got this strong feeling of my uncle (who committed suicide when I was a pre-teen). Like he was just saying hello and checking in on me. And a little after that, a light blue butterfly followed me on the walk back to my car and just gave me this sense of "grandfather"... but the only grandfather I ever knew is currently still alive (my mother's father)! It almost makes me wonder if it was my father's father, who died of lip cancer five years before I was born, just sending a little greeting to his granddaughter. I remember being so moved by these two butterflies that I actually started crying a little.
This was a belief I shared with my mother a few months ago and she really seemed to take comfort in it. She was the only one I'd ever told, mostly out of fear that anyone else would think me crazy.
But I feel like it was confirmed -- for me, at least -- after her death. Mom shot herself in grandpa's backyard the night of Jan. 19th. The next morning was when we got the call from Dad and the family gathered at grandpa's house that Friday, the 20th. Eventually, I worked up the courage to go out in the backyard. By myself. I just had to. I had to go be in the spot where her spirit left this world.
And as I was standing there, just sort of numbly looking around in shock and disbelief and just feeling overwhelmed and distanced from everything... I looked up in the tree and there was this beautiful, delicate viceroy butterfly (like in my avatar... looks like a little monarch butterfly) fluttering around. Right there. Just right there where she died, floating around at just the right time for me to look up and see it. And I cried and cried and cried. I just know that was Momma sending me a sign that she was okay now, and that I would be, too, eventually.
Has anyone else had experiences like this or similar?
Missing my Momma: Dec. 31, 1956 - Jan. 19, 2012