Remembering old memories

Share special memories of the person that you remember.

Remembering old memories

Postby 01012011 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:01 pm

Old memories are so innocent and wonderful...full of love, life, and laughter. I am holding on to those memories during this difficult time in my grief....Christmas day was the last time I held and hugged my dear brother Christopher. He was in deep depression and pain then and I never noticed. He hid it so well. He hid it for all of us to give us the last gift of a wonderful Christmas together. I think of that last Christmas, but I want to concentrate more on the Christmas that we shared in the past. I have to admit to all of you that I am having a terrible time holding it together...each second of the day. I don't know how to handle this tremendous grief anymore. Nothing helps...meds thank God keeps me at least where I can go to work every day and function, but inside I am dying slowly....I want to think it's because the one year anniversary is coming and it will get better. So much goes on in my life each day and I wish I could write it down to all of you so we can share. I know each and every one of you have great memories, but no more memories to be made with those loved ones. I don't think I can continue writing tonight. I am overwhelmed in sadness. I thought that this post would be positive with funny stories about Christmas past...nope. Love begins in a moment, grows over time and lasts forever. Love is a work of the heart and we should cherish the time we have together. I want to remove all photos tonight of Chris. I can't bear to look at him..his smile, the life in his eyes....the warmth of him. I miss him so very much and I am pissed he is gone. Again, I ask why? Pain....pain...Does anyone know how to get rid of the pain...please don't tell me it 's time....
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. Sister of Christopher Arthur
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Re: Remembering old memories

Postby insearchofpeace » Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:32 pm

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Last edited by insearchofpeace on Mon Jan 06, 2014 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Remembering old memories

Postby Peaches406 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:38 pm

I don't think even time works...My brother has been heavy in my mind for days, today I left work for an hour because I couldn't stop crying. I keep telling myself it's because the first year is almost here. I understand exactly what you're going through. I am devastated and pissed all at the same time. Facing the first year ever(since he was born) without him in it. I may have not had him long this year, but at least I had him. 2012 just looms over me for so many reasons, I almost hope they're right and it all just ends. Please let it be quick.
I hate hearing "it's just the holidays" they're rough...no it's not, it's cause he's f@##%g GONE! All I know is I hope this wave passes soon, it's a strong one.

*a memory*
I bought my brother a stuffed spider every year, he was scared to death of spiders(like a girl). I used to tell him when I was gone he would have 50 spiders to remember me by, I have them and there are only 5....
So, one Christmas I got him a Tarantula from the Rocky Mt Museum. It came with a little story and everything, realistic for a stuffed toy. He laughs when he opens it and starts playing with it, making it crawl across the floor and what not. Then he does this "spider pounce" and flings it back on it's hind legs...scares the shit out of him. We grew up around wolf spiders and they "stand up" at you and do creepy shit with their front legs, his motion made the toy do exactly that move. I watched him for an hour trying to find somewhere to put it. He went to his sock drawer and was all "no I'll forget it's there and have a fucking heart attack". He finally opted for his computer desk, where he could SEE it, he said. He was such a little kid sometimes.
I never got to find him a spider this year...I have just decided that will be my first tatt in my sleeve for him, I can hear him screaming "why do you keep buying me these things". Oh Gods it's perfect! Thank you for your post tonight 01012011.
Trent Daniel Jones 2/14/90 to 3/31/11 ~ My heart, my love, my life....
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Re: Remembering old memories

Postby 01012011 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 6:09 pm

Did any of you sneak down the stairs or just sneak to see the Christmas tree after "Santa" visited? I so remember the flashlights and peaking at the presents. The wonder of it all..the joy and the anticipation. Please, please share your Christmas memories and traditions with our loved ones that are in heaven. My sweet, gentle Christopher. I am so missing him. It's strange we are who we are from the day we are born...need to hear all of your wonderful memories..please...please..please
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. Sister of Christopher Arthur
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Re: Remembering old memories

Postby DansbigSister » Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:25 am

I have been crying for my brother all day. Its unstoppable, unbearable. Its Christmas eve and the kids are playing and its all unfolding like it usually would but I know whats coming tomorrow. I'm doing my best, but feeling quite guilty for locking myself away in the office with my mac, my music and a very strong drink. I give it ten minutes at best before I'm noticed missing and back on call.. The memories that stick with me today are so vivid, it could have been yesterday. I remember when Daniel and I were little kids, and we would both make each other promise that whoever got up first would come wake the other, before we even investigated the present situation. I still remember his beautiful little boy face, the sheer excitement, the "Santa" buzz! We always kept our promises to one another. And also, last year. Daniel was the eternal child. All the adults would be milling around, being old, but not Daniel. Last year we went out the front and here he was, beer in one hand, smoke in the other, burning around my culdesac on my eldests' new powerwing scooter, with my then 18 month old daughter on her new little bike, teaching her how to do jumps and burnouts. We all were laughong so hard, and before you knew it we were all out there having scooter and bike races, acting like little kids. I miss him so much, especially for the ability he had to remind adults to let go and play once in a while.
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