You are not evil for any of these feelings. No way, it all sounds completely 'normal'. I too have pictures, treasured momentos at times, oh his beautiful face, smiling at me, some days I even touch the glass and smile back - and then? I turn the picture over, I cannot look at it. I cannot bear it, how did our lives come to this? My dear sweet children, looking to me for guidance and answers and I suspect strength.... how can I be the rock for what is left of my family when I too am in so much pain.... wondering and agonizing over his death. WHY seems reasonable to me.
I am so sorry - I am here and I hear you today. I don't know if we can ever makes sense of this, but I can listen. You are not alone.
I look forward to any advice other members post because I'm feeling exactly the same as Fay and there's no end in sight.
devastation of what we have all been through here are entitled to any thought imaginable and some not..and this is OK! I would not wish this journey on my worst enemy...but we are survivors..walking this journey together and I hear you...one day at a time is all
we can do and keep moving forward..our loved ones were ill, not themselves or they would still be here with us...the illness made the choice..not them. It is this thought that helps me understand how this could happen in the first place to our loved ones..
sending you ((((HUGS))))), I wish you all some peace and light today,