Then you lose all control because you never had it to begin with. Little B grows up and pushes you away with all of his might because he is 18 and will do whatever he damn well pleases. He never talks about Robert's death. He doesn't need to. No one knows what all he saw because Robert died at home. He never says. His relationship with his girlfriend falls apart. He dies the same way Robert did. He sent a text before he dies that tells the girl he had been thinking of doing this for a while and he loves her. Did he forget our number? A goodbye would have been nice. An "I love you" to hold on to us would have been appreciated. She is already dating someone else. I realize her life must go on to and I don't blame her for him being dead. But she could have done without giving him false hope. I don't know what she said before she left him that night, and in the end it really doesn't matter because he made the choice to leave.
All I want to do is cry and scream when I am alone. I don't like to be upset in front of my husband because I don't want to make it worse on him. But these boys were more than little brothers. They often resided in our home until we moved away. I feel guilty that we moved away. I feel sad mad scared everything. But I still have to live. So it is back to the housework I go...or maybe back to a nap.
