anger

[lonelymom]

Does anyone else struggle with anger. I mirror all of the emotions, despair,profound saddness that everyone else reports, but I sometimes feel so damn mad at my son for completing the act of suicide. Yes, he was hurting and in mental anguish but he could have handled it differently. He is at peace and I am miserable. Why did he do that to me. I loved him so much. I nurtured and cared for him. He told me he loved me an hour before he did it. Now I just sob and feel like my life is over. Then I feel guilty knowing that he would never have intentionally made me this miserable. Cause and effect was nothing he was concerned with I guess. March 7th will be one year so it is still too fresh on my mind. I am flabergasted that anything can hurt as bad as losing your 22 yr. old son.

[Nik's mum]

I lost my son 2 years ago - anniversary is 5th Feb. I wrote this poem for a friend who also lost her son hoping it would give her a little comfort as I do you


A Message from Heaven

I love you mum
I hope you know
I didn’t mean to hurt you so
I couldn’t find a way to go on
But I will forever be your son

I love you mum
And always will
So try and let your heart be still
Feel me beside you feel my love
Even thought I’m in Heaven above

I love you mum
Please never forget
You did all you could
So I beg you don’t fret
Feel no guilt and feel no shame
For I am now free from pain

I love you mum
One day you’ll see
Its beautiful here there is no fear
When the time is right I’ll be there
To take your hand and bring you here

Please know that I know how you feel (((hugs)))

[Blossom]

Let it rip. I didn't have early grief anger....but I have it a lot now. Mostly, when I face situations where we need to behave as a family, responsibly, considerately, with our collective resources, ....talents, skills, sense of humour, the whole package.....something is perpetually missing - our son and brother.

The sense of abandonment, without grounds, and within sight and sound of our love, is intolerable, unbearable. And that is anger. It sits side by side with a depth of compassion and understanding that is mother-son-eternal. There is not one way that is 'better' to be - it just is in the moment, the hour, the day.

Let it rip. I recall someone here, saying that they took to their bed with a tennis racquet. Good-o. The next day you probably find yourself rescuing ants out of the kitchen sink. There is very little 'head' reasoning. Let it rip.

March is just around the corner....I promise, that although the powerful feelings of early loss will make themselves known again on this first anniversary...you will come out the other side, more intact than you would expect. Hold on.

* I'm with you Niksmum, on Feb 5th....a beautiful poem -"..there is no fear'. I too, touch this sometimes.

[cmarie]

Yes I do feel angry. Like blossom, it took me a while to feel any anger. What I think is "dam it Liam, you are so much smarter than that". My anger surfaces when I am the space of just missing him.

They say anger is a secondary emotion, that there is always another emotion behind it, driving it.
Sometimes I remind myself,that knowing my boy (at least the parts of him I did know) he felt I would be better off without him. He was so wrong.

None of us will ever be the same.
I will be thinking of you lonelymom and Nik's mum as you round the corner to the anniversary's of being on the planet without your boys.

[MamaBear]

I was angry right away after she did the deed. I know my daughter, she was a bit of a brat, and I felt she just gave us all the ultimate F you. I wanted to spank her with a belt. I was so mad! I have forgiven her because, as I said, I know my daughter. Now I have anger towards those who hurt her; she was bullied by peers and a couple of teachers. I still take my anger out on others sometimes. I just can`t tolerate rude or stupid people anymore. So yes, we all deal with anger issues. I am sorry you lost your son. It is all still so fresh for you. I feel for you and sent a prayer. No words I could say could bring you solice just know that you are not alone

[lonelymom]

Just knowing anger is not unique to me brings some peace. Thankfully Love is a much stronger emotion for me, but it doesnt give him a free pass. What he did has turned my world upside down, but I am begining to understand the extent of his despair.Thanks for sharing your personal experiences. Most everyone else changes the subject really fast.

[tmsharpe]

My mom has been gone for 7 months and I have felt not much else other than anger. How dare she leave like that? Why did she get so close with my kids just to leave them! I get so angry at her for what she did...

[Bereaved1]

I have a migraine headache and feel FURIOUS! this evening. He ruined my life.

[psyquestor]

*gentle hugs* I'm sorry you are hurting tonight Bereaved1.

[Bereaved1]

Thank you, Tammy. I feel a lot! better today. Today I know that I learned a huge lesson with Jacob and that it's ok to decide about people based on whether they are good or bad for us. I overlooked things he did right from the first that were warning signs that I should not have ignored. But, I was programmed to think only about how I could be good for other people. Because I think about positive outcomes, I wasn't taking proper care of myself. We have to notice whether other people have agendas that can hurt us. I can forgive him and still learn the lessons. Today I have energy to work on a terrific little project that I got miraculously and can leave the suffering and regrets about the past behind as I move forward to a goal. Jacob's tragedy can ruin my life only if I let it. (((hugs)))