what the ????

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.
cmarie
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what the ????

Post by cmarie » Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:25 am

I opened my email inbox this morning to find the Spring issue of the Compassionate Friends newsletter. They have a page where they list all the birthdays of children who have died. I know Liam is there. I have seen his name before.

I open the document and scroll through the pages until I find that page. I use my finger to guide my eyes down the list. Seeking, scanning, searching. There it is. Liam James, April 22, 1994 and mine and my husbands names.

My body reacts completely - my heart clenches, my throat constricts, eyes burn and the tears start to flow.

What the hell is that? I knew it was going to be there - I was looking for it - needing to see it. So it wasn't unexpected. And then that reaction. So physical, so intense.
What the hell was that?

Thanks for listening.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

Blossom
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Re: what the ????

Post by Blossom » Mon Feb 23, 2015 5:23 pm

Ugh....didn't even sneak up on you. cmarie, for what it is worth.....this internal life of grief loses it's reality if it doesn't get an airing. And goodness, that airing can feel like a slam. This is my opinion only.Just a thought really. Hope you're ok. I didn't know or forgot that Liam had a January birthday. That's lovely. Happy Birthday Liam! I mean that sweetly....

(I hope that using this phrase is ok with you - I've sort of given up on modifying/wrestling with salutations/congratulations)
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.

cmarie
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:30 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by cmarie » Mon Feb 23, 2015 8:33 pm

Blossom, I am okay. I think you're right grief does need to be aired . Liam's birthday is April 22.
Thanks for hearing me- yet again
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

cali
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Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by cali » Mon Feb 23, 2015 11:10 pm

I think the body, the cells have their own memories, their own way of grieving. When they are triggered, we end up going for a sometimes unexpected ride- happens to me too.
Yes to the airing.....it touches the truth inside of us and connects our surface with the deep...

Blossom
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:01 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by Blossom » Sat Feb 28, 2015 6:49 am

Sorry cmarie....I was hasty in my reply (heading off to work). Yes, cali, cellular memory - and that sudden visit sure does take a toll on my confidence.

Take care all, please.

Jan
Blossom x

If nothing else, give refuge to those in need.

NickW
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Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:26 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by NickW » Sat Mar 28, 2015 7:16 pm

I hope the days are a little better for you cmarie, I will be thinking and praying for you and your family in the coming days and I will light a candle on the 22nd in honor of Liam.

My Son's Birthday is the 2nd of April this coming Thursday, I know its coming and with every passing day it builds a little more, the dam will break next Thursday as it must.
Love Never Dies.

cmarie
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:30 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by cmarie » Sun Mar 29, 2015 7:52 pm

Thank you Nick. Birthdays have been hardest for me. Nick,the anticipation and buildup of the day has often been worse than the actual day itself.i hope that is true for you.
Take care
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

insearchofpeace
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Posts: 171
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:48 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by insearchofpeace » Wed Apr 22, 2015 2:06 pm

Thinking of you today (cmarie) and remembering and appreciating all your kind words of support to me and so many others here. I will also light a candle in my outdoor lantern tonight in honour of Liam x
Peace
*Love yourself*

NickW
Newbie
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:26 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by NickW » Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:46 pm

Today I lit a candle and said a wee prayer in remembrance of Liam. I wish peace and love to you and yours cmarie.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun:
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.
Love Never Dies.

cali
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Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: what the ????

Post by cali » Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:57 pm

Thinking of you, cmarie.

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