Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.
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Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Post by gibbsynj » Mon Nov 17, 2014 3:43 pm

I am running out of ideas for places to turn for comments and ideas - thus I thought this forum could help....

I have a 17 year old son - his mother passed away about ten years ago in a sudden car accident - and have been struggling with him for years with behaviour, educationally, and a destructive hatred towards me. This year its escalated and over the course of the last six months - was inpatient hospitalized first for suicide ideation, followed by a partial and IOP program. The DAY his IOP program ended - he attempted suicide by swallowing all of his presepcriptions drugs, hospitalized and repeating the therapy cycle again. Due to this (well and a host of emotional and educational deficiencies) we were able to get the state of NJ to enroll him in a Therapuetic day school - providing education, group and individual therapy. Now two months into the school year and he has attempted again - this time with cold medications - taking over 40 of them (everything else was locked up). Hospitalized and now back in a partial day program. I don't know what else I can do at this point anymore ffor him. He blames me for every problem (all self creatd) in his life. Right now there is nothing but fear, hatred and resentment in my house - and just doesn't feel like a very supporting environment for him - we have years of history and damage and I can't take much more. Am considering giving him up to his mother's grandparents to live - they have offerred - but I am really struggling with what to do - he would be giving up his therapeutic school, have to get a new Dr, new therapist, new school etc....but on the other hand he would have a fresh home environment without all the damage and history and lack of trust and resentment...

I could give so much more detail to ut it more in context - but on the risk no one gets that far before giving up reading it I will stop here. Have any of you had to face a decision like this? Anyone did something similar and regretted it or regretted not doing it?

Thanks so much for any help and support!

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Re: Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Post by cmarie » Mon Nov 17, 2014 10:53 pm

I lost my 16 year old son to sucide just over 4 years ago, but ihave no experience to offer you, as he had never attempted and we had no idea.
I have to say that your situation reminds me of what we went through with our daughters drug addiction ( boy don't I sound like someone you want advice from?!). We had to do the letting go thing with her. We tried everything in Our power to help her, from paying off drug dealers to expensive treatment. but the only that ever worked was letting her go. Not losing touch- I still called, bought her groceries every so often, but for all intents an purposes she was on her own. When she was ready she knew we were there for her. She's been clean and a contributor to society for over 2 years.
I don't know how you do that witha 17 year old, (maybe the grandparents), but it sounds like your life is getting ruined and there is not much more you can do. It sounds like a very painful decision. For you, and I'm very sorry you are in such a situation.
Take care
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

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Re: Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Post by briansfolks » Tue Nov 18, 2014 3:13 pm

Just my opinion I am no expert. Regardless of the anger he has continue to tell him you love him and to try to give him help. His acting out at you may be a way to find a reason to commit suicide, Sometimes people in a way pick a fight to find a reason to do this. Do not give him that reason. You would feel horrible if your last contact with him was a argument or if you told him you didn't want him to live with you anymore and he did this. He needs a reason to live and he is doing his best to find reasons to not live. Just for your peace of mind get help for him and you without him feeling that you have abandoned him.

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Re: Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Post by insearchofpeace » Fri Nov 21, 2014 3:46 pm

Last edited by insearchofpeace on Fri Dec 19, 2014 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
*Love yourself*

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Re: Looking for help - no idea what to do....

Post by jimsmom » Wed Nov 26, 2014 7:45 pm

I was recently in IOP with a young lady who experienced depression since she was a child. She didn't say much but what she did say was it is the little things; a cup of hot chocolate or buying her a warm scarf....anything really. She said she hung on because of the small stuff.

Bless her little heart and yours too. I wish I had more words of encouragement, but it sounds like you are doing all that you can. My thoughts are with you.

I lost my only son to suicide and I just try to hang on each and every day.

Jims mom

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