Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Especially for parents whose sons or daughters died by suicide.

Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby TRmom » Tue Oct 04, 2011 4:23 pm

I would like to ask if anyone would like to share did your son or daughter leave a suicide note or not? I don't know which is more painful having one or not having one. I guess it's all a part of searching for answers in this process.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Johnsmom » Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:00 pm

Hello, I will share. My son John sent an email to his friends and cousin. One to his friends who were gamers with him, and one to his online girlfriend. He scribbled a note that said I should have left him alone...therein lies my guilt. I am so sorry but after reading the other three notes that would have been enough...I don't know if it is better with or without. I hope you find your answers. helen Johns mom
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby MotherofGabriel » Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:41 pm

Hi,
My son left a note. Did it anwer any questions? No. I think that even if my son were standing in front of me, and I asked him why, he would say, "I just don't know, Mom."
Johnsmom and TRmom, my love and hugs to both of you. The pain doesn't stop, I know.
Connie
Until I see you in Heaven, my beautiful boy. I will always love you, Mom.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby MarilynM » Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:53 pm

My son did not leave a note. I think it would have helped me if he had. There is a large part of me that thinks he was trying to make a point to his ex-girlfriend that threatened suicide the day before and dying was unintentional. He had told my suicidal daughter several times that suicide was a coward's way out and he wouldn't do it. I can see where, depending on what a note said, where a note might be worse. I don't get why he wouldn't leave a note since he is a writer.

A note probably would not end all the whys running through my head, though the whys might be different.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby MotherofGabriel » Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:22 pm

I'm so sorry for all your losses. There is no way to know what would have been better. Though, I can see that having some message could be consoling, depending. We continue to search and ache. Hugs to everyone.
Until I see you in Heaven, my beautiful boy. I will always love you, Mom.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Blossom » Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:09 pm

It's hard. I am always grasping at what I could have had....our son left notes, loving notes. At first they were sacred, but now I'm not sure where they are filed now. That journey from sacred to 'misplaced' was a long one...somehow, the final moment those notes represented got filled in, bulked out with memories of his life....the answers I was looking for, somehow, ended up being answers to questions I did not seek.. I guess I have been on a journey to find the questions to those answers...I probably don't make sense to you. I would not give anyone advice except to say, obey your drive to know and understand, wherever that leads you, it is right.
Blossom x

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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby TRmom » Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:11 am

Thank you all for sharing. My son didn't leave a note but he did leave a text to his girlfriend right before admitting his addiction to oxycontin saying he was so sorry and didn't mean for it to happen. He went on to say the real him would never do anything to hurt anybody. He admitted he felt so out of control and apologized to her for ruining their relationship. He only left that one text on his phone he had cleared out everything else texts and call logs so I wonder if he left it also for me to see so I knew his feelings.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby cali » Mon Oct 10, 2011 1:33 am

My son did not leave a note. He was very open about his suicidal feelings. We were actively seeking help, and answers. We did not have enough support. My son even told me that he did not mean to hurt my feelings, but that I was not enough. I had nowhere to turn other than the professionals I had engaged. It was terrifying. The friend I confided in had no advice. I later learned that her father died of suicide, and she could not deal with what was going on with us. Part of me longs for a note, but most of me knows that he said it all, he said what mattered. I know he did not want this to happen. It was beyond his control.
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Crystl » Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:47 am

My son was talking about suicide for a long time before he took his life and like cali I knew most of his 'worries'
He always said there was more 'to it' than he would tell me and when he died I would 'understand'
he left a note and it didn't say anymore than I already knew and the question of what else I needed to understand will never be answered
my son knew how much I loved him and said to me several times " a man cannot live on a mothers love alone"
I think the note was mainly for the rest of the family and friends, he wanted them to know, that he thought they didn't care about him
I don't know TRmom which is better or worse..having one or not having one..**hugs**
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Re: Leaving a note/Not leaving a note

Postby Athena » Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:07 pm

Although I am Ozzy's sister, I know that my parents felt that the note answered one question: whether it was an accident or truly intentional. Since my sister had an overdose on her migraine medication and it can cause serious complications when mixed with alcohol, it was hard to really say it was definitely a suicide. In addition, it really helped all of us, including my parents, to understand the extend to which Ozzy's depression was. Before this had happened, we didn't really know how bad it was and her note made it clear that she suffered more than we ever known. I know that we can never truly feel what she felt or put ourselves in her shoes, it made me believe that she really saw no way out.

However, as many of you know, it left us with so many unanswered questions still...
Ozzy 7/3/1980-10/6/2011 I love and miss you big sis.
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