Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.
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- Joined: Sun Aug 16, 2015 8:33 am
It's so hard to lose someone you haven't talked to in 3 years. It's actually unbelievable. That that person actually did it. You're left in with so many mixed emotions its not even okay. Im not the person I should be right now and I know this. I feel like I'm taking this out on everyone around me and id be better off completely alone. I feel like my frustrations with him turn directly into inability and that's why I can't handle a relationship right now. I feel like I'm letting what be did control me. I don't have fun in the same ways anymore. Nothing really looks the way it once did to me. Hangingout with friends having a beer? I feel like if I'm alone I'll deal with it better and it can all be sorted out in my head. I'm trying to figure everything out and learn from it. But some days that gets extremely hard. I push people to their limits because of this experience. I'm so scared to get hurt the way he hurt me again that whenever I get angry at someone then my pacience is basically gone and my reasonability is too. I completely shut off to things. I just really need to stop letting this effect my life so much.
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Dealing with a tragic death is never easy, and suicide deaths bring about additional issues.|
You mentioned mixed emotions and anger, frustration, loneliness, impatience, isolation, etc. Sometimes writing helps, but sometimes, we just need to talk out loud with someone who will listen and let us ramble. If you do not have anyone like that to talk with, would you consider going to a counselor?
If there is no one else, would it help you to talk out loud to yourself, just to get some of those emotions out?
You mentioned being afraid of being hurt again. I think that's a natural and normal response. It's a self-defense approach, and is necessary for survival sometimes, at least for a while.
Sending you hugs and hoping that today will be easier.