I'm sitting on my sofa crying my eyes out again after another man has chosen to leave my life.
My mum who l had a volatile relationship with killed herself when l was 20. She had clinical depression but l never thought she would kill herself. My parents split due to his affair and beating her up. Since I was 10, I have seen him twice. He has a new wife and family who don't know my mum even existed or myself.
In relationships, I am co dependent, intense, obsessive, volatile, need constant reassurance, always assume the other person will leave and hound men who are not interested. I'm aware but just can't seem to break the cycle. I'm terrified I'll never find anyone who will accept all aspects of me. I'm ashamed to say that the last man was in a relationship and had a baby. It's brought up so many issues around abandonment, attachment and parenting.
I'm 31 and get so upset thinking about children. My mum was emotionally unavailable and my dad physically so l have no idea about parenting plus i can't conceive on meds.
I just feel l am an unlovable mess.