Welcome to the Suicide Grief Support Forum. I am so sorry that you each have a reason to be here.
Hunk, my heart breaks for you losing your mum to suicide. Mothers should not go first; it should be the other way around. Do you have good memories of her?
Jason, I am glad that you have found good memories of your wife. Can you share any of them with us?
I never dealt with anger issues in my greif, we all face it in our own way. My sister was very angry toward Rebecca until I talked with her about why I could not be angry with her. I know she is a peace, just as I know your mom is at peace too. After Rebecca I searched for answers. What I found brought some comfort to me. Most who purposely seek suicide are not in their rational mind around 95+ percent (dont quote me on that, it seemed like it was closer to 98%). During the minutes to hours they are ill, whether it be an episode that regularly happens or if its a one time psychotic snap, they are not in their right mind. Another thing that bugged me was if suicide was a sin. Being sick is not a sin, therefore a result of being sick can not be a sin.
You have people who care for you and about you, we can do this together.
Karyl,Jason, I am glad that you have found good memories of your wife. Can you share any of them with us?
I can tell you Rebecca collected things. I have a supply of colorful pens to last a lifetime. Growing up I hated taking care of plants, now I have quite a good number that she collected and even planted a purple catalpa tree in memory of her. She loved animals so much, and I know it can sound gross but she loved kissing their noses.
Sometimes its a smell or a color or even a design she would have liked that triggers a memory.
Something more resently I found while shopping was that she had a good sense about using good quality items and now I stop to think if she would purchase something new in the store. This has resulted in me trying out some good shampoos, cleaning supplies, and even clothes.
But the biggest ones are the ways she would do, think, and talk about things.
In these ways I know she lives on through myself, her mom, her sisters, and others who were part of her life. We are the survivors, and it is a stuggle at times. But there is help, support, love, and hope.
Thank you for telling us some of your Rebecca memories. It sounds as if you have found a way to keep the connection to her alive, to make sure she is integrated into your life in positive ways.
I laughed about Rebecca kissing noses of animals she loved. She obviously was a person who loved unconditionally.
How long has it been since Rebecca took her life? How long were you married or together?
Karyl,How long has it been since Rebecca took her life? How long were you married or together?
Rebecca took her life about 3 and a half years ago on Oct 27, 2011. We had been married for 3 years 10 months and lived together for almost 7 years. She was the center to my life. Rebecca is still a part of it, but God and Jesus are now the core of my life. Rebecca actually was the one that gave me and encouraged me to get to know them. She also motivated me by what she did to get to know them better and I look forward to seeing her again some day.
What about you Karyl? Whom do you share the life of that was lost?
My daughter, Arlyn, took her life on August 7, 1996. Arlyn was 18 years old. The world I knew ended that day, and her death slammed me in a new direction, but I've found positive ways to honor Arlyn's life and come to feel peace.
You are still just three years along, but it sounds as if you have a good sense of yourself and your direction at this time. Please continue to share here.