The. Words. don't. Come. - Practical advice?

Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.
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Joined: Fri May 02, 2014 4:30 am

The. Words. don't. Come. - Practical advice?

Post by 13J13 » Mon May 12, 2014 2:17 pm

I wonder can anybody offer some advice, or how you find it. I find it really difficult to talk about my father's death by suicide. I have been in a position where all I want is to share my experience with friends, but can't physically bring myself to introduce it. This is to the extent that my closest friends do not know the nature of his death.

I have awkwardly skirted the issue both in person and in emails (I am a prolific mailer) but feel I need to do it face to face first. I'm starting to think maybe I'm too precious about that, as things are seldom how we imagine them and it'll probably be messy and awkward in person anyway, rather than cathartic. I love talking - but feel so inhibited when it comes to relating past trauma (natural, I guess).

Anyway, thanks in advance to anyone who has advice or insight :)

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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:42 pm

Re: The. Words. don't. Come. - Practical advice?

Post by daybyday » Tue May 27, 2014 8:21 pm

Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. Is there a suicide support group in your area where you can start? I had a hard time talking about it with friends/family as well because if the topic did come up, I could sense their discomfort. Why we should be worried about other people's discomfort (when we are the ones hurting), I'll never know - but I guess it shows that even in times of (our own) distress, we still try to comfort others.

I found a grief support group (called LOSS) that was a huge help. People could cry, vent, tell their stories to people who truly understood. If you just wanted to listen, you could do that as well. In time, when I felt a little stronger, I was able to approach a friend and say, "hey, I never really shared with you what happened to my dad." A few still changed the topic or reacted badly, others were wonderful and shared their own stories (of depression in their families) -- it was like it allowed them to open up about a taboo topic. It cemented some friendships as they finally could see the depth of my pain.

I hope you are able to open up in time. Start with a support group if one is available, then good friends/family and go from there. I still haven't shared with some people, and it's not a topic I usually bring up out of the blue, but if they ask how my dad died, I am usually honest. Usually. Sometimes, still, I'm not in the mood for the shocked look or discomfort...or it's simply not someone I wish to share it with.

It's your grief and you can decide your "grief journey" - meaning how you deal with situations and feelings over time.

Just taking it day by day. I miss you, Dad.

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