Why does it still hurt after 4 years?

Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.

Why does it still hurt after 4 years?

Postby michellewehmeyer0303 » Thu Feb 27, 2014 7:16 pm

You know I can sit there and tell my 5 year old that I am fine day in and day out. But inside I'm truly not fine not only did I lose one but I lost 2 of the most important people in my life the day my mom left this world. I lost my mom because of suicide but I also lost my son's dad... the night before I found out that my mom had killed herself we had fought about something stupid like normal I don't even remember what it was about and we broke up. (so he says to this day) so neither here nor there the next day was like any other Wisconsin day in April snow was still melting on the ground I was off of work because it was a Sunday and my little brother was getting ready to ship off to Iraq the next day for his tour over there for the next year. My cell phone rang and I walked into the other room because my "ex" was playing his xbox and god only knows boys and their toys and how loud they have to have their tv's. It was my Aunt's number which didn't really surprise me too much because see my Grandfather had just passed away 4 days earlier and my mom wasn't taking it very well and she was on medication for different things and so I picked up the phone and I immediately knew there was some wrong.... I could hear the terror and sadness in my Aunt's voice she asked "Are you alone?" I said "No my boyfriend is here in the other room why?" and that's when she told me. I collapsed and started bawling and screaming. I wasn't able to come out to Washington for her funeral and I honestly believe that may be why I cannot get over the fact that she is really gone. I know that she is but I haven't gotten to say my good byes the way I wish I could have and it hurts so bad. Will I ever forgive her for doing that to herself and will this pain ever get any better?
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Re: Why does it still hurt after 4 years?

Postby Lisag » Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:24 pm

Hi, Michelle -
I, too, lost my mom to suicide, a little over 8 years ago. And it still hurts, not as badly as before, and not as constant, but four years is not that long in grieving a suicide. I don't think that missing your mom's funeral is the main reason why you are still upset, but it certainly could be one of the many reasons. Please don't beat yourself up for missing her funeral. Even if you had been there you still would not have been able to say goodbye the way you think you wanted to. None of us got to say goodbye the way we wanted to. The real source of anguish for me is knowing that my mom made the decision to kill herself without first saying goodbye to me.

I wish I could tell you that the pain will eventually go away completely, but I don't think it ever will. Birthdays, Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death are still hard for me. But it does get easier over time.

Lisa G.
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