mom's birthday

Especially for those whose mothers or fathers died by suicide.

mom's birthday

Postby Thatgirlelle » Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:47 am

Hello,
My name's Danielle and here's my story.

Oct 21st 2013 was the last time I talked to my mom. I was in New Hampshire for my uncles funeral and just got to my grandma's after the service and my mom called to ask how I was doing. While I was up there I found out that my mom caused a lot of hardships in the family so I was a bit mad at her. I wasn't the sweetest but at the end of our phone call I did tell her I loved her.

Oct 22nd was her 44th birthday. I just flew back into town and got home when my dad told me that the family didn't want me to know, but my mom was in the hospital. I played it off by calling her house phone and no one answered. I called my mom's roommate and asked where my mom was. He informed me that she was in the hospital for a stroke. I called my grandmother and said I heard about my mom. She said so you know she was at her ex boyfriends. After I hung up I went to the hospital and the doctor was waiting for me and informed me my mom was brain dead and I asked what happened. They told me that paramedics found her dead and resuscitated her and had her on life support. I then talked to organ harvesters and then the doctors about taking her off life support.

Oct 25th at 7 am is when her body finally shut down and she passed.

4 days before Christmas is when the medical examiner called me and told me that the results of my mom's autopsy was a drug overdose and it was suicide.

The hardest part for me has been dealing with the guilt that I wasn't nicer the last time we talked and how I wish I would have been able to see her on her birthday.

I've tried counseling and support groups but they haven't done much for me so I'm hoping that posting my story on here and hearing feedback will help.

Thank you for reading.

Danielle
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Re: mom's birthday

Postby cali » Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:13 am

Hi Danielle, thank you for posting your story. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry no one's responded to your post til now. Sometimes new posts get overlooked, which is fairly common when they are not in the "introduce yourself" section. In the big picture, it has not been very long since October. This type of grief is a rocky road, and it often takes more time than we'd expect to find some equilibrium. There is comfort on this forum, I encourage you to keep posting, and reading. Take care, Cali
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Re: mom's birthday

Postby tnteacher615 » Fri Mar 14, 2014 9:42 pm

Hi Danielle, I still remember the last time I talked to my mom just 4 days before her suicide. I wasn't very nice either, and I sometimes still feel the same guilt you've felt. I should've been more patient with her. I knew she was suicidal: She had been for 10 years! It caused me to grow resentful with her, tired of her constant threats. Instead of saying, "Don't kill yourself, Mom. I need you. It will cause me great agony if you die," I said, "I will hate you forever if you leave me to explain that to my kids. I won't plan your funeral." Why did I say that? You know what, though? Few people know how to watch someone battle a mental illness. Too often, we are forced to watch helplessly, not having the resources we need to help our loved ones. We aren't professionals, and we make mistakes. If I let the guilt permeate my every thought, It's going to affect me too. We have to keep living, keep coping and enduring. Otherwise, those mistakes will just poison us. Our moms aren't here anymore to know that we are overcome with grief and guilt. My mom doesn't know that I was angry with her at first. So whom did those thoughts hurt? Me! A friend of mine shared that with me. I hope it helps you too. Best wishes
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