On a support website for widows and widowers I previously posted the following to several other survivor of suicide (SOS) members:
"Nearly all SOS members feel at least partially responsible for their spouse's suicide, especially at first ... Arguments with one's spouse do not cause someone to complete suicide ... There are countless millions of people who are very unhappy with their jobs, spouses, children, marriages or lives in general. But hardly any of them ever attempt suicide. That desperate act requires one additional factor, which is the most crucial of all: ILLNESS. It is well known that the vast majority of suicides are the result of some form of mental illness."
"At first, guilt is one of the most common emotions felt by us ... and one of the most destructive ... Guilt, regrets, and second-guessing are normal human reactions to unpredictable tragedies like the ones we have experienced. So this questioning will always be going on somewhere in the back of our minds. But we must learn to live with that. The reality is that there was no way we could have predicted what would happen, and so we should try to not beat ourselves up over it. Although not always easy, we must find a measure of peace by accepting that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time."
I wish for you, and for all of us here, the peace that comes from that acceptance.
Thank you for your thoughtful words and your sympathy. I hope one day we will all be at peace with the losses in our lives. I will try to keep in mind you post when I tend to get caught up in guilt.