I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner photos

Especially for those who have lost husbands, wifes, boyfriends, girlfriends, or partners to suicide.
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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by iamjoesforever » Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:16 pm

I want to thank all the "helpful" and understanding comments. Not the ignorant "get help, I'm nuts" comments from people that shouldn't be in this thread.
I heard very different versions from the coroner, police and the funeral home. I don't understand how I can get 3 different stories from 3 different people, and in return they would not let me see him. I understand I can't get "all the answers" but something consistent so I can get maybe a small peace of mind.

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by erikamtz » Thu Dec 11, 2014 3:53 pm

I send good thoughts your way.
Last edited by erikamtz on Wed Mar 01, 2017 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hope to be together again...love you

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by Rainbows » Fri Jan 16, 2015 10:49 am

iamjoesforever wrote:Are you kidding me, I need serious help? You can't actually believe I am the only person who has thought this.
No, you do not need help! It was very insensitive for somebody, on here especially, to write that. I mean, technically we all could use some help but anyhow... :/

When my partner passed away, I too needed to see his body. He drowned and it was also post-autopsy, but myself as well as ALL of his family members NEEDED to see him one last time. Because we found him in the water his body wasn't able to be prepared by the funeral home, hence we had a closed casket funeral.
For closure, as well because I was (crazy) convinced he faked his own death and he was alive and well (yeah :/ ), I NEEDED to see him lying there... in that state, horrors and all.

It's an image I couldn't shake for a long time. It still creeps in and haunts me but I accept it as part of this whole process. I do not regret it one bit! It was necessary for me.

It is normal to be curious and to this day I still want the full coroners report but haven't been able to bring myself to ask for it. (It's been over 2 years...) I may eventually get to the point where I let it go completely. I hope I do as more details of the event will not change the fact that he's gone.

Maybe you could just do the same. Perhaps you could just put it off, as it will always be there, and see how you feel at a later date. If there is still a need to see it in the future then maybe that's what you need to help you move forward.

Hope it helps... Big hugs and wishing you peace. <3
I miss the way your eyes and stars align
I miss the thoughts that design and build your mind
I miss the way you hold me close like vines
I miss you all the time - USS

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by cali » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:30 pm

I have been blocked from a thread or two here when I was deemed (albeit unintentionally) to have caused offense to someone. I am sorry that such insensitive harrassment of you was allowed to continue. However it likely has much more to do with the poster's own trauma than any understanding of yours. I feel your need for answers is understandable. It is fine to get help deciding what to do, we all can use some constructive feedback sometimes, but ultimately it is your decision and no one else's. I support you in whatever you decide, and urge you to be gentle and accepting of yourself around your decision. If you decide to go forward with the authorities, perhaps you can bring a supportive person with you.

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by Terri » Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:30 pm

I'm sorry, I'm chiming in her very late, but I don't come to this site as much as used to. My husband, Jim, took his own life 9 1/2 years ago, and the reason that I'm chiming in here, is because I had similar needs to see photos. My husband went to a wildlife preserve almost two hours away from home to take his life. He was concerned that our teenage son would find him, so he ensured that he could get the job done without out anyone being able to stop him and without our son finding him. Because of this, the people who found him were the Deputies of that county, who were alerted after we found his note and reached out to them. The next time I saw him, was in his casket, the deadly injury on his forehead had been completely repaired, which also meant the age and anxiety lines on his forehead were smoother, which made him look younger and much more relaxed than he had been for years. I was stuck in the anger mode, so totally pissed off that he did this, that I couldn't get past the anger part of my grief. He was at peace and my son and I were an emotional mess, which really, really pissed me off. At about the 2 1/2 year post suicide timeframe, I finally thought that if I could see photos and the death scene, that maybe it would help me move past it. I contacted the Sheriff of that county and explained the problem and he graciously told me that he wasn't supposed to show photos from a police file/report, but that if I drove out there, that he would meet with me and that he felt he could help me. When I got there, he and one of the Deputies who worked the scene and I met and talked for a little while, and then while the Deputy was hesitant to show me the photos, the Sheriff told him that it would be okay. I saw the photos. There wasn't this clearing of the skies and angels singing to clear things up in my head that I'd hoped for, but it actually helped me, with time. It helped put the rest of the pieces together. They weren't pleasant photos at all, and I didn't expect them to be, but they weren't as bad as I expected, either. It took time for me to process the photos psychologically, it wasn't an instant 'aha moment', but it helped with time. I don't even know how to explain exactly why it was helpful, other than like I already stated, that it helped to put the pieces together. I did finally get unstuck from the intense anger mode, but I still do get angry at him, and I think that's normal. The different stages of grief are something that we will go back and forth between for the rest of our lives. I do still get angry at him, like today, for instance. It's Easter, our son who is now grown, is going to his girlfriend's for Easter, leaving me here alone. It really pisses me off the most around the holidays. I spent so many years making holidays very nice for him and his family (including his extended family), and they abandoned us after he killed himself, so now that my son is grown, I'm left alone on holidays. I can handle it on a daily basis, but something about the holidays when everyone else I know is with family and having a wonderful day, I'm sitting alone. I guess what I'm trying to say is that seeing the photos may help, but the way we go from one stage of grief to the other, you may find yourself in the same stage again sometime, so don't be disappointed when that happens. It's something that we'll deal with for the rest of our lives, so one of the main things that I've learned is to just go with the flow, let myself feel what I need to and bounce back. Don't be too hard on yourself with any of your grief stages. Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time to work through the different stages, no matter how long it take or how many times you revolve through the different stages. Take care.
Husband, Jim, 7-30-2005, GSWH
Moving onward and upward.

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by someonewhocares » Fri Aug 28, 2015 8:12 pm

Hey, I certainly hope that you somehow you get these notifications. I lost my Mother 6 months ago and I also needed to see the pictures from the Medical Examiner. They did say that typically they don't have family request it but were happy to send it to me. I knew it was something I needed to help me in my mourning. I did go to school for Mortuary Science so that may have played a part in my need for that closure, but I also felt like I just needed to see how she left, how my Brother found her, so that he didn't have to live with that image alone, although I know it isn't the same as finding her, I wanted to carry some of the burden with him. I asked others I knew who had requested the photos of their loved ones and they advised me against it. Once you see them, you can't unsee them. But I can say that for me it truly helped me in my healing process and I was very grateful I had requested them. We all grieve differently and we all need certain things to heal. This must be yours like it was mine. Also I am so sorry this person on here is so rude to you. I think it is already hard enough what we are going through without someone telling us we need help. Of course, you need something to help you in healing and overcoming your tragedy, but we all are different in what that is, and for him to downright put you down for expressing your feelings, makes me a little upset. Not everyone gets help from a psychologist, I know they don't work at all for me. So remember when he is talking, he is talking to himself, not to you. Thank you for sharing and you don't need help because you need pictures for closure. Just remember that you can't undo it once you see them, and if you can handle that, then get those photos. I literally almost passed out when I saw my Moms, I cried really hard, and my heart ached, but then I was grateful I did it. I realize your post is old, but I couldn't help but post. I hate knowing that you were made to feel as if something was wrong with you for wanting these photos. I felt like i needed to reassure you, you are perfectly normal for wanting that as a part of your closure.

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by sueredpred » Tue Sep 01, 2015 6:30 am

Just read your story. Hope you are more at peace. My soul mate also took his life with my hand gun. I came in as he breathed his last breath. The replay in my mind dims with time but is always there if I choose to bring it back. SOS groups have helped me. I also did one on one therapy. This site is great too. I hope you are healing. peace suepred671.

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Re: I am extremely tempted to get the police and coroner pho

Post by briansfolks » Mon Sep 28, 2015 12:30 pm

This particular person I felt needed help. It wasn't just this post I developed by views from. There was an earlier one that had a bit more history to it. I am sure most have not read it or will be able to read it by now. Telling someone they need help is not insensitive by the way but might be the most sensitive thing one can do for another person even if they are angry by the words. If I get banned I will be banned for doing the right thing.

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