I still do not feel anything?

Especially for those who have lost a sister or brother to suicide

I still do not feel anything?

Postby jillslay8 » Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:56 am

It is very odd I know that my brother is dead, he took his own life.Yet it still dose not seem real. I still can not absorb the fact I will never see him again talk to him again hug him again I still think he may call (i know better) but for some reason my brain will not seem to catch up (if that makes any sense) who knows. I am taking care of my mom a lot doing everything we used to take turns doing . i do not know when this is gonna all hit me or if it ever will my is having a person come to the house to talk to her she seems more normal then i am cause she is crying and emotional like a normal person i almost have no emotions i do not know anyway Jill - Kens sister
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
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Re: I still do not feel anything?

Postby Karyl » Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:21 am

Jill,

After Arlyn died, I could not cry at first. Everyone else was crying, and I seemed to be fine. Later, though, the tears eventually hit - horrible body-shaking crying and wailing from the heart.

Looking back, I think that my spirit went into sort of a psychological paralysis - also known as shock. In shock, I could not really even feel anything. I just existed.

I also think that sometimes, shock provides a cushion for us, until our minds are ready to catch up with our hearts.

Another example, after my dad died, it was 6 months before I cried, and then one day, out of the clear blue, it hit like a bolt of lightening.

So my point is that your feelings should come to you when you are emotionally ready for them.

Do you talk about your Ken? Do you spend time alone? Do you listen to some of his favorite music? Do you look at his photos?
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Re: I still do not feel anything?

Postby jillslay8 » Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:36 am

HI I do talk about him , When I am alone I do think (this may sound kind a strange) I think oh my god kenny is gone he killed himself he is really dead my brother is dead gone , yet when i look at his pictures i think no way he can not be gone and there is not 1 time since he died that i feel a sleep not thinking about him I do get a lump in my throat and my eyes get teary yet it is so hard to think he is dead
Ken,I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you found what you wanted. All we found is pain.
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Re: I still do not feel anything?

Postby SimbasGuard » Mon Jan 16, 2017 2:11 am

Hi, new here from Australia and confuse reading what do you mean by
"I also think that sometimes, shock provides a cushion for us, until our minds are ready to catch up with our hearts" Shock provides a cushion?
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Re: I still do not feel anything?

Postby Karyl » Thu Jan 19, 2017 11:02 am

Simbas,

The cushion I referred to when I mentioned shock is that our feelings sort of seem to go away briefly while we are in shock so that we don't feel the pain of grief quite so intensely. In that way, the shock serves as a cushion emporarily. Does that make sense to you now?
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Re: I still do not feel anything?

Postby sg21dc » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:35 am

Hi Jill,

I know this post is several years old, but I wanted to thank you for sharing. I lost my brother, AJ, on March 26th of this year. I have been feeling almost exactly the way you describe -- nothing. I've been searching the internet for people explaining this feeling, just for some validation I guess. But nearly everything I find is about people who can't stop crying. I know that he is gone, at some level, but I don't feel it. Sometimes the gravity and finality of it hits me, but only for a split second. Then the feelings are gone.

I miss him all the time, but it does not seem real.
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