I have no family- and it sucks!

[ArmyDaughter27]

I can't describe how I feel right now... ever since dad died, I feel like my life has been literally turned upside down. I can't concetrate, I have so much anxiety, still battling this panic disorder... feels like I also developed a bit of OCD(checking stuff, knocking on wood when I get a scary thought.) It's really been hard. Not to mention my mother is not really a part of my life, my father didn't have any family, and it really sucks. Currently, I am not working, I have no friends where I live, and I sometimes wish I could pack a bag and just leave this place. I love my fiance, but I feel like he has his life here while I'm trying to figure out mine. I still have dreams- I'm 27. But sometimes I feel if it's not panic disorder hindering my life, I get overcome with greif and sadness. Lord, please help me find my way- I am so lost.
Thanks for listening

[ursforevababy]

i am so sorry about your loss..u have come 2 the right place (the place no one wants to be) my heart truly does go out to you. there are some very supportive people here to talk about just about anything. i how ever can not give you any advice but just to say you are not alone and some one is listening lots of hugs

[jo22]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you have found a good place to talk here. It's still very early for you and you are probably still in shock as to what has happened.
Try talking to your partner though, i'm sure he understands and will help. I know it's never the same but his family are also yours, i'm very close with my in-laws and they are like another mum and dad to me. Even though i lost my husband last year they will always be apart of me and my kids family.
I remember when we got married i was so upset because i have little family, there was a fall out and some of them cause trouble but i really wanted my family there, my husband has lots of uncles, cousins the lot and they were all there i wanted mine too.
But i came to realise the most important people were there and people don't have to be related to be important to you. Also all of my husbands family were about to become mine too.
Just remember it's still early, be kind to yourself

[Nancy Claire]

Your loss is still new and of course it's still hurting. I am sorry you and your mom are not close..do you have a relationship with your fiance's mom? It sounds like you need someone to talk to about how you are feeling. have you tried a counselor or survivors of suicide group? It really helps to talk. You should also consider talking more on here. In terms of the panic you feel...there are books on anxiety at the book store with exercises in them to help you focus, you may want to check some out..but also, your anxiety is probably related to your grief. Grieving is hard. It's exhausting. Sometimes just as you think you are feeling a bit better, it hits you again..a wave comes over you and it feels fresh and new again. It really sucks. Since you are not currently working, maybe you could spend some time writing in a journal about how you are feeling... just a thought.

I am sending you hugs...Visit us here more...it can help.

[Ken_57]

I am sorry for your loss and that you feel so alone. I know that is a horrible feeling. You are not all alone though. We are hear to listen. - wayne

[LANIE]

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Grieving is exhausting and so emotional - our emotions are all over the place and we never know when the big wave is going to hit us. I hope you will talk to your fiancee and tell him how you feel and I know he will help you figure out a way to move forward on this journey in a healthy way. Maybe you two could get away for a few days
and have some quality time together, I think sometimes just a change of scenery helps so much. My heart reaches out to you, reach out to those you love and create your own family- I definitely consider my dear girlfriends sisters - and remember we are all here for you.

Love and Peace,

Lanie
Monitor

[ArmyDaughter27]

Thank You everyone for your kind words... usually when I come to this site, I read everyone's posts and occasionally post something here. It still very painful and I haven't been able to really talk about it much. I am seeing a therapist and it helps.. I will say though, I am glad that I am not alone in this... and I'm so sorry for everyone who lost someone to suicide. As I write this, I can't help but cry- because I miss my dad soo much... Thanks again for all the kind words.
susan