So here's what's really going on with me

[gmtucci]

I don't feel any closer to resolution with my sisters passing. I haven't cleaned the house. I haven't done much of anything. I'm not getting my work done. I'm not taking care of the business I have to. I feel frozen. I promise myself everyday that I will get up and get something accomplished that I can benefit from. I keep looking for signs of Kathy. I'm preoccupied with looking for a sign from her.With every day that passes without any accomplishments I feel like I'm letting myself and others down. I understand in my mind that this is part of grieving but it is becoming a source of panic for me.I have things that I absolutely have to do so my whole life doesn't go to hell but I can' t bring myself to give a damn about it. I'm not really prepared to make any major life changes financially or otherwise but I'm also not doing enough about it. I have spent my whole life priding myself in my independence and right now I need a good kick in the butt to get me back on track and there is no one to do that for me but me. Well I hope this helps for me to see it in writing. Thanks. Also having a hard time connecting. I feel like I'm an observer and I want to figure out how to be part of this group and say worthwhile things and help myself and others get through to the other side of this. ((( Hugs ))) to everyone

[bereaved1]

Hi, I know how you feel. Life provided me with the shock to get moving at tax time this year. That was about 18 months after my fiancé took his life. His 2nd suicide anniversary instead of our wedding anniversary will be on August 6th. I walk around, doing what I have to do in the city, aching and crying on the inside.

Don't worry, when you need to absolutely meet a deadline, you will do it.

Are you talking to any professionals?

I could use a hug...(((hugs)))

[gmtucci]

((( Hugs ))) to you bereaved1. I read a lot of your posts and I am inspired by your courage. You definitely keep it real for your part of this nightmare. I'm not ready to seek out EMDR or any of the other links you post because I think my head's still spinning but you give me hope that I'll be able to put one foot in front of the other. Thanks for answering me.
I think I also read that you are a New Yorker and I'm a New Yorker but live in Denver now. I really wish I could go back home.



Gloria, sister to Kathy

[bereaved1]

Thanks for the hug. I'm glad I help sometimes.

Just a simple appointment with your MD could help you a lot, get things started and get you over the denial. You are a New Yorker. You can do anything. A doctor's appointment will be easy for you.

[bereaved1]

Gloria, I woke up this morning thinking that I would love you to tell us about your New York City and Denver.

(((hugs)))

[coconut]

Originally Posted by gmtucci

I don't feel any closer to resolution with my sisters passing. I haven't cleaned the house. I haven't done much of anything. I'm not getting my work done. I'm not taking care of the business I have to. I feel frozen. I promise myself everyday that I will get up and get something accomplished that I can benefit from. I keep looking for signs of Kathy. I'm preoccupied with looking for a sign from her.With every day that passes without any accomplishments I feel like I'm letting myself and others down. I understand in my mind that this is part of grieving but it is becoming a source of panic for me.I have things that I absolutely have to do so my whole life doesn't go to hell but I can' t bring myself to give a damn about it. I'm not really prepared to make any major life changes financially or otherwise but I'm also not doing enough about it. I have spent my whole life priding myself in my independence and right now I need a good kick in the butt to get me back on track and there is no one to do that for me but me. Well I hope this helps for me to see it in writing. Thanks. Also having a hard time connecting. I feel like I'm an observer and I want to figure out how to be part of this group and say worthwhile things and help myself and others get through to the other side of this. ((( Hugs ))) to everyone

You have taken the words right from my heart. Even posting here seems daunting to me some days. I do nothing now... nothing. The loss of my mother consumes my thoughts and day. When I am not sleeping I am searching for the unknown. Even going through the motions seems so hard at this point.

I completely know how you feel and where you are coming from... you are not alone. (hugs)

[Dragonfly]

Gloria

Please don't feel bad for not doing anything. It took me months to sort out things and only when his house was sold 6 months later did I do the packing up. Now that I have the boxes here in my home, I have still not unpacked a few and it is over a year! I also keep saying I must do a little at a time, which sometimes I do, but many days when I do have the time to sort things out, I don't and feel terrible, but I do know that on the days I am really motivated I try do as much as I can. In the beginning just cleaning dishes and the house seemed a huge exercise and I hate to say it, but it would sometimes be days before I got to it. I have found that doing something however small takes your mind off things for a while, so it does help. Be gentle with yourself and when you feel ready you will get to things.

[gmtucci]

Thank you for being so kind in your responses. It did help for me to write it down and get honest with myself and everyone here. It helps to know I'm not alone. I did get some of my work done and I will try really hard to stay motivated so I don't completely overwhelm myself in the long run. I wish I could just sleep. Most of the time I just feel like I'm unanchored and just passing through the days and by evening I can't believe the day is gone but I'm also kind of relieved that I made it through. It's so hard to get perspective on anything.
((( Hugs ))) to all

Gloria, sister to Kathy

[LANIE]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Grieving is sooo hard and exhausting.
I would actually forget to breathe, and then hyperventilate - so it is so important to just remember to breathe! Take each day as it comes, but staying active really helped me - I made myself get up and move, I think I walked a million miles in the last 2 years. I think all of us here at some point in our grief we had to make a decision to keep moving and moving forward. I know this is what our loved ones want for us - my heart reaches out to you. Please know that we are all here for you, you are going to make it, we are going to help you! Keep posting, reading, writing and moving, we are all on this journey with you.

Sending you big hugs,

Lanie
Monitor